• When you return home with the new baby, present her with a gift from her new sibling. A doll and accessories is always a good idea.
• Your toddler will play up and demand your attention just when you can’t give it, so expect her demands to intensify, especially if you have just sat down to feed the baby! To the best of your ability always attend to her needs first – this will make her feel secure.
• Have a pile of storybooks handy and place one of her little chairs alongside your feeding chair, so that she can sit with you and read a story when you feed the baby. This is a good habit to start, and she will start to look forward to this special time.
• When visitors arrive to see the new baby, let her show them to the nursery, and allow her to help open the baby’s gift, this way she will feel included.
• Avoid saying “don’t touch the baby” too much. She will cotton on that touching the baby gets your attention and will continue to do it. If possible ignore (unless she is feeding the baby a niknak, or holding him upside down!) Never leave her alone with the new baby.
• Use every bit of help offered.
• Take the phone off the hook when you are resting, or at least invest in a portable phone to keep alongside you.
• Limit visitors to a specific time of the day, so that you are not inundated all day. Visitors, while having your best interests at heart can kill you with kindness!
• Stick to your toddlers routine scrupulously – it will make the whole family feel more secure.
• Expect a regression in your toddler’s behaviour. She may demand a bottle or dummy again, or start wetting her bed.       Keep calm, give her what she asks for, and know that it will pass with time.
• Try to spend some special time alone with your toddler every day, even if it means quiet time in the garden for twenty minutes.
• Look after your relationship with your partner – remember that you are in this together.

Top Tip

When you are still pregnant, put together a little box of age-appropriate wrapped goodies for her (for example a small box of smarties or a toy bottle), and keep this in the baby’s room. When you are busy with the baby and cannot attend to your toddler (such as when you are changing a stinky nappy, or feeding), allow her to go to her ‘special box’ and select a present. The selection and the subsequent unwrapping and exploring will buy you the time you need to finish off your task. This way, she will only associate a positive experience with the fact that you are unable to attend to her immediately.

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1. When you return home with the new baby, present her with a gift from her new sibling. A doll and accessories is always a good idea.
2. Your toddler will play up and demand your attention just when you can’t give it, so expect her demands to intensify, especially if you have just sat down to feed the baby! To the best of your ability always attend to her needs first – this will make her feel secure.
3. Have a pile of storybooks handy and place one of her little chairs alongside your feeding chair, so that she can sit with you and read a story when you feed the baby. This is a good habit to start, and she will start to look forward to this special time.
4. When visitors arrive to see the new baby, let her show them to the nursery, and allow her to help open the baby’s gift, this way she will feel included.
5. Avoid saying “don’t touch the baby” too much. She will cotton on that touching the baby gets your attention and will continue to do it. If possible ignore (unless she is feeding the baby a niknak, or holding him upside down!) Never leave her alone with the new baby.
6. Use every bit of help offered.
7. Take the phone off the hook when you are resting, or at least invest in a portable phone to keep alongside you.
8. Limit visitors to a specific time of the day, so that you are not inundated all day. Visitors, while having your best interests at heart can kill you with kindness!
9. Stick to your toddlers routine scrupulously – it will make the whole family feel more secure.
10. Expect a regression in your toddler’s behaviour. She may demand a bottle or dummy again, or start wetting her bed.       Keep calm, give her what she asks for, and know that it will pass with time.
11. Try to spend some special time alone with your toddler every day, even if it means quiet time in the garden for twenty minutes.
12. Look after your relationship with your partner – remember that you are in this together.

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Try to add variety, and to avoid wastage, take into account birthdays and cake-and-candy days at school.

Invest in a variety of small plastic containers and make the effort to prepare little tubs of various finger food the night before. Some children like to have their various food groups separated, and won’t touch a food if it has been “tainted” by something else in the lunchbox.

Most toddlers balk at the sight of a whole fruit in their lunchbox, but will eat it if is cut up into little pieces.

In summer, freeze water or diluted 100 % pure fruit juice in a plastic bottle, the night before, so that by the time your little one drinks it the following day, it is still cold and refreshing.

Include a variety of healthy bits:

• Small fingers of raw vegetables such as broccoli, sugar snap peas, baby marrow, cucumber, and carrot
• Chopped up seasonal raw fruit, or a small bunch of grapes
• Cooked corn on the cob
• Boiled egg
• Chopped up cooked, left over roast meat, shnitzel, sausages, lean bacon or chicken
• A few pieces of cold roast or baked potato
• A small tub of cooked pasta with a drizzle of salad dressing
• Chopped biltong
• Wholewheat, rice or rye crackers
• Peanut butter (or any other filling except jam) sandwiches cut into small squares or triangles
• Grated or sliced mozzarella cheese
• Full cream, un-coloured cheese wedges
• Cashew nuts, sunflower seeds and raisins
• Sugar and preservative free fruit bar
• Small yogurt

And every now and then, treat your toddler with

• Small, bite sized chocolate bar
• Handful of crisps or popcorn
• Two jelly babies, or marshmallows

Foods to avoid at all cost

• Foodstuffs that your child is allergic to
• Stimulants (food or drinks that may contain caffeine or sugar)
• Food additives, preservatives and colourants such as MSG, Tartrazine, sodium benzoate and sulphates)

Providing regular fuel

Three main meals and three significant snacks are important in every child’s day (quantity may vary from child to child, so don’t panic if your child is a small eater).

This provides regular fuel for their metabolism and prevents low blood sugar and unhealthy snacking. Keep lunchboxes fun and without stress. Good healthy fresh and seasonal food, good tap water, exercise, sunshine and lots of laughter will be a good start in helping your child get the best out of life.

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Having enough sleep is as important to your toddler as following a healthy diet and providing him with adequate stimulation. A well-rested child is less frustrated, more predictable and happier in his world.

Remember, your toddler may not necessarily develop healthy sleep habits automatically. He may need a little help from you!

Whether you have chosen to sleep with your child in the family bed, or whether your child sleeps on his own is determined by your personal beliefs, cultural views and your ability to separate from your child. Either way, choose a sleep zone that suits you.

It is important to regulate your child’s environment to ensure that his sleep zone supports sleep. I would recommend that by the time your child is two years old, that you try to let him sleep in his own sleep zone.

Children need to have their own space, and sleep space is interconnected with physical and emotional boundaries. Encouraging your child to foster some independence from you in the sleep zone paves the way for a sense of security with his own separateness and provides a sound basis for the development of self esteem and self reliance.

Some ideas of creating a calm and nurturing ‘sleep zone’ include:

• Darkened room at night ( with a dim night light if necessary), and closed curtains for day time naps.
• Special ‘sleep friends’ such as a stuffed animal or favourite toy.
• A muted colour scheme in his room, avoiding bright or primary colours.
• Avoid menacing posters/wall murals and shelves piled with stuffed animals.
• Don’t hang dressing gowns or towels on the back of his door – they can look scary in dim light.
• Avoid glare from a window or a passage or bathroom light.
• If possible, try to keep his play zone in another area of the house, so that he does not associate play with his sleep zone. If it is not possible, pack all toys away before sleep time.
• Keep the cot or bed away from plug points because of electric magnetic radiation

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Age

Begin potty training around the age of two years. Know that your toddler will become aware of the toilet at around 18 months of age. She may understand and say words such as “poo”, “wee” or “toilet”, squirm and touch her bottom, or may stop what she is doing when making a bowel movement. Don’t rush into potty training at this stag

Let your toddler learn from you

Let her accompany you to the toilet from an early age, so that she can get used to the idea, and learn from watching you – this will take the mystery and fear out of this new idea. Always tell her, “Mommy is having a wee”. Invite her to tear off the toilet paper for you, and help you flush.

If you have a son, ask your husband to invite him to accompany him to the toilet. This way, he will learn that boys do it differently to girls. Place a piece of toilet paper in the bowl and show him how to aim at the paper. If he prefers to sit down to pass urine, reassure him that it is fine and try to avoid putting pressure on him to do it ‘the right way’.

Teach your toddler the right way

Teach your daughter how to wipe from front to back, and your son to wait till the drips stop.

Toilet seats, steps and hand rails

Invest in a toilet seat with an inner and a built in step and hand rail. This way, your toddler will be able to sit comfortably on the toilet and will always have her feet on a firm surface as well as having something to hold onto.

When to delay

If your toddler is younger than 26–28 months in winter, delay toilet training until the weather improves.

Leave the nappy off

At home, leave the nappy off and remind her frequently about going to the toilet in a relaxed and friendly manner. Be prepared to go with her to the bathroom each time.

Don’t stress about “accidents” on the floor. She will eventually connect the “puddle” with the feeling that she needs to go to the toilet and will tell you she needs to go.

Don’t worry if your toddler still asks for a nappy to make a number two – this is normal, and won’t last forever.

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Try and keep this time of the day calm and quiet, so if Dad is home, try and limit the amount of horseplay and excitement that takes place – rather stick to calming, nurturing activities such as watering the garden, doing a puzzle, or play “I spy”. Avoid intensive movement activities and rough house play at this time, but encourage them in the afternoon.

Try and serve supper at roughly the same time each evening, and perform the same activities thereafter until bedtime

Follow these tips

• Tidy up – teach him to put his own dishes in the sink or dishwasher.
• Lay out his pajamas and toiletries on the bed – let him help you.
• Run a bath – let him help you (note: never leave him alone in the bathroom).
• Give him a warm, calming bath, or bath with him – add a drop of lavender or chamomile oil – a few stack toys are ideal for bath time – this is also a nice time for Dad to get involved.
• Wrap him tightly in a warmed towel when you are finished, and dry him with deep, firm strokes. Deep pressure activities such as this are most useful to help him calm down. Have a favourite song that you always sing at this time (such as “this is the way we dry ourselves….”).
• A massage (if he will let you) is a wonderful way to end off bathtime. Deep pressure touch, is for most of us, one of the most effective ways to calm when we are feeling overloaded. Massage enhances parent-child bonding, helps the child to calm to the quiet alert state, and so promotes deeper sleep. Contact the International Association of Infant Massage South Africa: 011 – 787-0681011 – 787-0681 for details of an instructor in your area.
• Have some calming, lullaby music playing softly in the background.
• If there is time before bedtime, keep all stimulation to a minimum, play quiet games such as puzzles and stacking games, and read stories (no dragon stories!) – try to remain within the ‘sleep zone’.
• Offer the last drink of the day (if appropriate).
• Last trip to the bathroom to brush teeth and wash hands, a nappy change or, if age appropriate, a loo stop! –
• Help him to choose a book for his bedtime story (if age appropriate).
• A cuddle and kiss, and into bed – no story unless he gets into bed and under the covers!
• Read a bedtime story that is age appropriate, and not too scary – stick to old favourites (toddlers love the same book over and over again). A good tip is to make up an ending that entails the hero/heroine also going to sleep! Try not to get hooked into more than one story.
• Last kiss and cuddle, and a firm and loving “goodnight”. Leave when your child is still ‘happily awake’, not drowsy or asleep. (you’ll only create an expectation to always stay with him, which may become a behavioural issue later). You may have to close the door if he keeps coming out of the room. Leave a night light on so that he is not left in the dark.
• Expect some tears (and the odd tantrum) – pop in and out the room to give cuddles and reassurance but remain consistent with your boundary – it is sleep time!

The post Establish a bedtime routine for your toddler with these tips appeared first on All4Baby.

1. Make sure he is not ill – that is easy to ascertain. If he is teething, a paracetamol syrup can be administered (speak to your pharmacist to ensure the right dose).
2. Even if his appetite is poor during the day, nutrition plays no role in toddler sleeping at night unless your child is ill.
3. Speak to your pharmacist about an iron supplement – frequent waking can sometimes be attributed to an iron deficiency.
4. A magnesium supplement helps to calm busy little minds at bedtime and will also help for cramps and growing pains.
5. When he wakes for the first time, go to him and comfort him, pick him up, offer him a sip of water, and rock and hold him until he falls asleep (you may have to go and sit in a chair.)
6. He may, however, continue to shout and scream (because he is expecting a bottle of milk). If this is the case, then place him into his cot, and leave the room to catch your breath.
7. Return after a minute or so, calmly and confidently, pick him up and cuddle him again, offer the water (which he will most likely throw across the room in anger), and try to rock him, sit with him etc until he goes to sleep. If he continues to shout and scream at you, put him back into his cot, and leave the room again for a minute or two. Return again and repeat the procedure, until he is happy to either fall asleep quietly in your arms, or falls asleep in his cot.
8. Each time he wakes, repeat this procedure. It may take a while, and you will be up and down a lot, especially the first night, but keep going.
9. DO NOT be tempted to give him milk because you feel sorry for him – he does NOT need milk at night anymore. This will confuse him and make him insecure.
10. When you get to the point that he is still waking, but is happy to go back to sleep in your arms WITHOUT the bottle, then start plan B!
11. When he wakes, respond to him, pick him up and cuddle him until he is drowsy, then say “goodnight”, put him into bed, and leave the room for a minute or two.
12. Return calmly and confidently, pick him up, cuddle him, say goodnight, then back into his cot, and leave confidently for another minute or two.
13. Return and repeat the above, continuously going in and out until he eventually falls asleep.
14. This may take a few hours, but persevere! After a few sessions of this, he will soon learn that he does not need to cry, because, in fact you ARE around, coming back to pick him up etc, and this will reassure him enough to “let go” and go to sleep.
15. This consistent, firm but loving behaviour has to be carried out for ALL sleeps – that is: day time nap, going to bed, and responding to him in the night.

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Time out is not punishment

Wait until he starts to understand that rules need to be followed, so that he understands why time out is happening. Time out must not be seen as punishment. It should rather be seen as an opportunity to teach your toddler how to cope with his feelings of frustration and anger. Once he has learnt how to cope with these feeling, he will be able to start to modify his behaviour.

Take time outs together

If he is still young ( 1- 2 years), start by taking time outs together. So when he starts to push beyond his borders and is getting hyped up, say “let’s stop for a while, take a deep breath and have some quiet time together”.

This is a good way to get him used to a “cooling off period”. Once he is two years old, he will start to understand a bit more that Action = Consequence, as well as being able to follow instructions.

Avoid bathrooms or naughty corners

This is the ideal time to start using more formal time out. A good idea is to use his bedroom as the area for his time out. Remember that if he needs some time out in the first place, his sensory system is most likely overloaded, making him feel out of sorts and disorganized. His bedroom is a safe and secure zone that he is comfortable with, so it will comfort and calm him. Avoid using bathrooms or naughty corners. These areas may make him feel embarrassed, uncomfortable and insecure.

Use body language

When he needs some time out, tell him very firmly (try not to shout, all it does is re-enforce a spiral of negative behaviour) that you do not like what he is doing, and that he needs to go to his room.

Use your body language to re-enforce how serious you are. Point towards the bedroom, and coax him along (don’t be tempted to smack). If he digs his heels in, pick him up firmly (even if he is kicking and screaming), and take him to his bedroom. Once you are there, say to him “It’s not nice to pinch your sister, stay here until you feel better”. Walk out and close the door.

Because he is a toddler, he will weep and wail and may even bash on the door with frustration. Wait for about a minute before you go back. Don’t leave him for too long, but don’t rush back in immediately – allow him some time to calm himself down.

When you re-enter his room, take no notice of the mess that he may have caused, rather keep your voice calm and controlled. Suggest a cuddle on your lap, if he resists, say calmly “OK, I will come back in a little while when you are feeling better”.

Leave the room for another minute. Go back in and repeat your offer. Continue in this way until he is ready for a hug and a cuddle. Sit on the floor, or his bed or a chair in his room, and hold him firmly with a deep hug. Singing a favourite song is also most useful. Wait until he is calm. Briefly discuss the event that caused the time out in the first place.

Acknowledge your toddler’s feelings

Remember to always acknowledge and name how he is feeling by saying “I know that you are feeling angry because I sent you to your room”, then mirror the feeling by saying “I would also feel angry if I were you”, then explain why by saying “it wasn’t very nice to pinch your sister. So remember that next time when you are feeling frustrated with her, pinching is not the way to deal with it”.

Suggest that he puts the ‘bad thought’ into a little box or an imaginary bubble, then go with him to the bedroom window and empty the box, or blow the bubble away.

Offer to help him tidy up his room (if he has trashed it in her rage), then continue with your activities.

Reassure him that time out doesn’t mean that you don’t love him, and that you will always love him no matter what. Don’t refer to the episode again (not even when dad comes home from work) – it is over. This method can be used up to school going age.

Using time out when you are out of the house

Obviously time out will work if you are at home. But what if you are out?

The best way to handle discipline when you are out is to remove your child from the situation. So if he is having a tantrum at the shopping center, ignore him, and try to finish your shopping as quickly as possible and get out of there as fast as you can!

Remember to be in tune to his signals, so don’t take him shopping if he is hungry, tired or over-stimulated – it is bound to end in tears. If you need to discipline in a public place, always take him to a quiet spot around the corner so that he does not feel embarrassed.

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The modern trend is to enrol your toddler at a nursery school from three or four years of age. She may have attended a playschool from an earlier age, or may have been happy and content at home with you until now.

While most playschools focus mostly on socializing and playing (for younger toddlers), nursery schools differ in that learning takes place in a more formal and structured way.

Many nursery schools have separate classes or sections for different age groups, so try to find one that will allow for your child’s progress without having to move her unnecessarily.

Follow your gut

Trust your instinct when looking for a school, and decide whether the school will suit you and your toddler’s needs with regards to accessibility, safety and hygiene and quality of teaching and care.

Transition tips

If your toddler has never been to playschool, starting nursery school may be the first time that she will be separating from you, so expect her to feel anxious and apprehensive. Try these few tips to ease the transition for both of you!

• Trust your instinct – if you don’t get a good ‘feel’ – don’t enroll your child if you have other options.
• Visit the school beforehand – take your toddler there a few times beforehand to familiarise her with the new surroundings.
• If possible, find a playmate who attends the same school beforehand – it always helps to see a familiar face.
• Teach your toddler some independence beforehand – let her get used to being separated from you for a few hours each day before “D” day.
• Let her walk, don’t carry her in – the wrench at crunch time will be difficult for both of you to handle.
• Distract her as you are arriving and walking in – say, “Wow! Look at that nice swing! Let’s go and try it out.”
• Don’t linger – be firm and encouraging. Tell her that she is safe and loved, then leave.
• Try not to be late in picking her up – it is not fair if all the other kids have gone home and your little one is wondering where you are.
• Be confident and positive – if you are, so will your toddler.
• Trust the teacher – once you are happy with your decision about your toddler’s school and her teacher, allow the teachers to take control whilst your child is in their care.

When to keep your toddler at home

If your child is still anxious, clingy and cries inconsolably when you leave her at nursery school and after two to three weeks is showing no signs of improvement, consider keeping her at home for a while and trying again later. In some cases, a change of school may be necessary. If the problem persists, consider a psychological assessment.

Extra-murial activities

You may be feeling pressurised to enrol your child in every extra-mural activity on offer. Stimulation in the form of gym, swimming, music, karate, ballet or modern dancing can be most beneficial for your child, but beware of over-scheduling your child.

Choose her extra mural activities with care, bearing in mind your child’s temperament and personality, as well as being aware of the hazards of over-stimulation.

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Sleep is vital for our physical and emotional well being. It is well known that it promotes the secretion of growth hormone as well as restoring brain processes. This enables us to perform subtle cognitive and social tasks as we go about our daily lives.

It may be surprising to note that the very same environmental, behavioural and social factors that may interfere with sleep, can play an important role in ensuring healthy sleep habits from the start.

In daily practice, when one is presented with an “unsettled infant”, or a “badly behaved toddler”, lack of sleep, or plain exhaustion is often not considered, as the practitioner is often too busy looking for a “physical reason” for the childs’ distress.

Physiological factors that affect sleep

There are obviously certain physiological factors to exclude from the outset, and a detailed history from the parent (or caregiver) is necessary. The obvious factors should include the following:

• Illness
• Nutrition
• Digestive disturbances
• Allergies
• Anaemia
• Parasitic infection (worms)
• Candida (thrush):oral/systemic/peri-anal
• Teething
• Nappy rash
• Emotional trauma

Once these factors have been excluded, the area of sensory overload should be investigated.

Sensory integration

The behaviour displayed by an infant or toddler upon exposure to sensory input will differ depending on the manner in which the stimulus is interpreted.

The sensory system functions in order to form a composite picture of what is going on around us. Sensory integration is the critical function of the brain that is responsible for producing this picture.

For most of us, effective sensory integration occurs automatically, unconsciously and without effort. However, for most infants, particularly premature babies, and toddlers with sensory integration difficulties, this process is inefficient due to immaturity of the sensory system. Therefore, babies and some toddlers will have difficulty in processing too much sensory stimuli.

Exposing a baby to sensory stimuli

When a child is exposed to sensory stimuli, a pattern usually occurs.

The child may interpret the stimuli as non stressful and respond to the stimuli appropriately. This response will not affect the stability of the behavioural subsystems of the nervous system.

© marchibas – Fotolia.com

Approach signals

The child will display self-regulation approach signals.These signals indicate that she is in control, and is neurologically well organized. Children displaying these signals appear to be inviting interaction.

These signals include:

• Soft and relaxed facial expression, with alert and open eyes
• Relaxed limbs with smooth body movements and minimal motor activity
• Turning towards sound and visual stimuli with interest
• A toddler will ask and respond to questions, smile and laugh

Warning signals

The child starts to experience stress when the exposure to the stimuli continues. The child will display some warning signals. At this stage she still has the ability to self-organise or self-regulate.

She is able to produce a behaviour to decrease the effect of the stress, thus preserving the stability of the behavioural subsystems of her nervous system.

© hartphotography – Fotolia.com

Warning signals that the child is becoming overloaded include:

• Hand(s) on face
• Fingers or hands in mouth or nose
• Fisting
• Bracing of legs or body
• Shifting to a drowsy state(infant); wanting to lie down(toddler)
• Fidgeting
• Decreased eye contact with you
• Sucking(infant); excessive mouthing(toddler)

This is the stage to allow the baby or toddler to go to sleep. All further stimulation should be avoided at this point. These signals must be interpreted as warning messages that the child may be reaching maximum tolerable stress levels. It is important to note that if the child is given some space to “zone out” she will be able to regulate her state of sensory overload herself to enable her to go to sleep unaided.

Stressed signals

If the exposure to the stress/stimuli continues, it will stress the child to such a degree that she becomes unable to overcome the effect of the stress by self-regulation(above). The compensating lower subsystem of the nervous system becomes unstable, resulting in a stress reaction such as crying and inability to fall asleep unaided. She will now need extensive help such as sucking on the breast or a bottle, being rocked or driven in a car in order to fall asleep. These stressed signals signal the end of the child’s ability to self regulate, and include:

© Barbara Helgason – Fotolia.com

• Loss of eye contact, or staring into space
• Irritability
• Moaning ,whining and crying
• Tantrums (toddler)
• Frantic, disorganized, jerky movements(infant); excessive fidgeting(toddler)
• Hands and fingers shielding the face
• Changes in vital signs such as heart rate and respiration
• Trunk arching
• Tongue thrusting(infant)
• Yawning, sneezing and hiccupping
• Gagging or spitting up
• Colour changes – paleness, mottling, flushing, cyanosis

These signs are very often misinterpreted as colic(infant), or boredom or bad behaviour(toddler). However, the sensory system at this stage is in such disorganization that it is unable to self-calm, and the child will end up crying inconsolably(infant), or having a tantrum(toddler). It is very important at this stage to:

• Modulate the environment for the child – remove stimulation
• Encourage and facilitate hand to mouth activity (sucking fingers, dummy)
• Encourage finger grasping
• Deep hug(toddler)
• Place your finger in the infants palm
• Swaddle the infant or place in a sling
• Allow the infant to “nest” in flexion

Children who are constantly over-stimulated and or deprived of “quiet time” will remain in this level of stress, and will thus never sleep.

To avoid children entering into this stressed, over-stimulated, over-tired state, it is crucial to avoid excessive stimulation, and to monitor how much time the child spends awake between sleep cycles. It is important that children are allowed to sleep before they reach this state of over-tiredness.

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