As a self-proclaimed attachment parent, Sarah falls within one end of the parenting style spectrum, together with Dr. Sears, for example. The challenge with Sarah’s article is that she insinuates that one cannot both “sleep train” and be an attachment parent.

Her statements make it sound as if any parent wanting to have better quality sleep for their child is selfish and does not care for their child’s emotional well being.

She refers to “controlled crying” as a method where parents leave a baby to cry – even if it is for two minutes – and explains that this is neither positive nor gentle. My question then, is crying bad?

Misconceptions of sleep training

The misconceptions about what “sleep training” is, is not a new phenomenon. It is NOT about leaving a child to cry. Even controlled crying, at very specific times, where the parent is either with the child or not with child, is very controversial.

Essentially, I believe that parents need to strive for maintaining a holistic approach to sleep. Parents need to analyse factors that influence sleep—from environment through to nutrition and stimulation—and then work together with a specialist to determine the best course of action for the family.

A dummy or pacifier is a wonderful tool with which to soothe a child – age appropriately – but can become a huge stumbling block for the quality of a child’s sleep. One has to question whether taking the dummy away and teaching the child to soothe in other ways is really “not meeting his emotional needs”.

The difference between a child who is nurtured and one who is ignored

I have worked with many families where implementing the correct building blocks for good quality sleep, which include a combination of 10 minutes of crying (all the while being there to sooth the child in other ways) have made the difference between a child who is able to sleep through, and a child who wakes up every half-an-hour at night.

Are we abandoning our children’s emotional needs by not feeding them until they fall asleep? Are we damaging our children if we do not give them a dummy? What Sarah seems to forget, is that the studies she refers to do not merely have to do with what happens at night, but rather what happens throughout the day.

A child who has been “ignored” continuously, for prolonged periods of time, both during the day and at night might be susceptible to shut-down syndrome. But for a child who is loved and nurtured his whole life; will not necessarily be damaged by the “two minutes of crying” that she refers to.

Moms who prioritise sleep shouldn’t be judged

Fundamentally, I take issue with how this article disempowers mothers and parents to decide for themselves about how they feel about certain issues, including a serious issue like sleep deprivation (for both mother and child).

As with so many articles out there, Sarah harshly judges any mom who has prioritised sleep for her family. There is no right or wrong when a parent loves a child, especially when the parent wants to meet the child’s most basic needs.

Sleep is a fundamental need – both on an emotional and physical level, for both parent and child.

What sleep training is and what it isn’t

With regards to the “research” that Sarah refers to, one of the studies is about an investigation that “sought to examine the unique and interactive effects of child maltreatment and inter-adult violence on children’s developing strategies of emotion regulation and socio-emotional adjustment”. Interestingly, by quoting this article, Sarah infers that “sleep training” is child maltreatment.

Another article that she cites in her research relates to the fact that “depression has been linked to increased cortisol reactivity and differences in limbic brain volumes”. I would like to offer a well-known fact that sleep deprivation often leads to depression, and the stress a parent contends with when they are not sleeping creates many problems for the family down the line. .

The truth is, for every article cited about the “damage” of her perception of sleep training, I can quote and reference another that supports healthy sleep training. For every article about the “damage to the brain” for allowing a child to cry for a few minutes, I can reference another article about the damage of lack of sleep to the emotional wellbeing of parents and children.

Trust your instincts

My philosophy remains the same. As a parent, trust your instinct above all else. Don’t believe everything you read. The fact that this article was shared so widely yet again proves the human condition of being swept up in mass sentiment instead of making our own discerning arguments and conclusions based on what is best for OUR individual families. I wonder if many people even took the time to read the research that Sarah was citing.

It is not my job to convince you of any particular method of raising children, whether you are FOR sleep training, FOR crying or FOR attachment parenting – chances are, YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT.

I am not for sleep training. I am for sleep.

About the Author: Good Night is a child and baby sleep consultancy that specialises in helping parents with children who struggle to sleep soundly. For more information, visit: www.goodnightbaby.co.za