All4Baby » Pregnancy https://all4baby.co.za From Pregnancy to birth to baby and beyond. The place to find, chat, and share. Tue, 14 Oct 2014 08:59:19 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=430 The night before you were born https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/planning-for-baby/2295/night-born-2/ https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/planning-for-baby/2295/night-born-2/#comments Mon, 13 Oct 2014 07:55:02 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=2295 You’ll never remember all these times, these hours, these days filled with enough love to cover the sky.

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The night before you were born, I stood in the bathroom doorway with a toothbrush in my hand and cried my eyes out.

Just hours earlier, we went out to a fancy dinner and I ate as much as I could possibly fit into my stretched out belly in preparation for the 12-hour fast. We talked about you, of course, and us, and about how life as we knew it was about to change forever. It was the kind of change that I had waited for my whole life—the same change we had prayed for, hoped for, wished for all along. That date night was a gift, you know. One of the (many) pros of having a scheduled c-section is having one last night to prepare yourself for the fact that your entire life is about to turn upside down.

As I brushed my teeth later that night, the reality of what was happening washed over me.

It was our last night as Brett and Ashlee.

The last night of being two, of being married without children, of being us.

And it shook me, deep down in my soul.

All I could do was cry. It was a weird mix of sad and happy, the very definition of bittersweet. My own tears were confused as they streamed down my face. I cried and cried and cried some more, while your daddy wrapped his arms around me and prayed for us. He was calm and collected as always, but I think he was equally terrified.

Twelve hours later, they put you on my chest, and from the instant your skin touched my skin, I knew I couldn’t breathe without you.

To know you is to love you, Everett, and I loved you the second I knew you.

When I saw you for the first time, I knew you were mine. There was no question, no doubt, no regret, no sadness, no confusion, no anything. My body was still cut open on the table, but I had never felt so whole.

From that minute, Ev, I have never looked back. I have never once thought back to the time when daddy and I were just us and wished we were still that way. Not once. I cannot imagine life without you, and I want you to always know that my life improved in every way humanly possible the exact second you entered it.

There are so many things you will never remember about this time. You will never remember life as an only child, and that makes me sad, because these have been two of the most wonderful years of my life.

For two whole years, I have held only you. I have rocked only you to sleep and tickled only you on the carpet and kissed only you goodnight between the crib rails. You’ll never remember sitting in the rocking chair reading books or sitting on the kitchen counter swiping chocolate chips out of the mixing bowl or lying in my lap for Curious George marathons. You’ll never remember all of our mommy and son dates to the zoo and the train museum and the ice cream shop and the park. You’ll never remember your solo bedtime routine or the way I rub lavender baby lotion on your skinny legs after a bath. You’ll never remember how we sing in the car, just you and I, or the way you roll toy cars up and down my tummy while we’re curled up on the couch.

You’ll never remember all these times, these hours, these days filled with enough love to cover the sky.

And it’s okay that you won’t remember them, because I know that I will. I’ll remember them for both of us, and I’ll write down our stories as best as I can as we go along.

And Ev, I want you to know that the night before your brother is born, I will cry. I will cry so, so hard. Because just like the night before you were born was the end of two, the night before your brother is born will be the end of three. And I will be sad and happy and my tears will be confused again and it will be nothing short of bittersweet.

But make no mistake, my sweet boy. You, Everett, were the one who made me a mother.

And nobody will ever, ever replace you.

I love you, Ev.

About the Author: Ashlee Gadd  is a Writer & Photographer. Founder of Coffee + Crumbs +instagram | twitter | facebook

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10 True things about the first year of parenthood https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/planning-for-baby/2224/10-true-things-first-year-parenthood/ https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/planning-for-baby/2224/10-true-things-first-year-parenthood/#comments Tue, 07 Oct 2014 04:43:24 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=2224 These are the words I wish I’d read instead, before jumping headlong into the mommy-hood with my books and my charts and my ideals and my high horses.

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I did a ridiculous amount of reading when I was pregnant.  I read natural parenting books and baby scheduling books and how to make your baby happy with no crying and eating is good for everyone led by the spirit of “your baby, yourself” books.  If there was a book to read, rest assured, I gave it a go.

I thought I knew everything I’d need to know.

How much of that information did I actually use?  Some. A little. The best bits of this, a quick trick from that, but no single book was spot-on accurate, and nothing was anywhere near as easy as all my reading had led me to believe. Fable was just herself, and apparently she hadn’t been reading the same stuff I’d been bingeing on. All that reading was mostly a waste of time.

These are the words I wish I’d read instead, before jumping headlong into the mommy-hood with my books and my charts and my ideals and my high horses. They’re flawed, and they aren’t all pretty, but they’re hard won and honest and as true as I can get’em.  

Here’s what I wish I’d known:

1. You are going to suck at this parenting gig and be awesome at it at the same time, all the time

You will be a different parent every morning to a child who will also be different, sometimes changing in just hours, or minutes, or before your eyes. There will be good days and bad days, good minutes and bad minutes, good choices and not so good ones. You will do some things, probably a lot of things, wrong. Be gentle with yourself, because you are wildly loved and incredibly needed. You are climbing Mt. Everest with basically zero conditioning – expect to be kind of terrible at it for awhile. You are beautiful. We are for you.

2. Post-partum bodies are squashy 

And wobbly and dimpled and stretched and foreign and embarrassing and difficult and painful and gorgeously imperfect, and they tend to stay that way for quite awhile. You made a human. Now make your peace. Eat good food. Walk around when you’re well enough. Listen to the people who tell you you’re beautiful. Take them at their word. Remember where your worth comes from.

3. Your baby is not like the other babies

Your baby is the only one of herself who has ever been, and you and your partner are the only experts on her. Your baby will not behave like the books say, won’t like what she’s supposed to like, won’t do what she’s supposed to do when she’s supposed to do it, and that’s normal and great and perfectly okay. The best thing you can do is put down your literature and get to know your baby.

What does she like?  What makes her laugh?  How does she best fall asleep?  What does hungry sound like?

The discovery of these things will serve you so much more than any stranger’s care instructions ever will.  You don’t have to make your life or your family look like any particular model – you don’t have to follow the rules. You just have to create a life that works for you and fosters love and security and a whole lot of laughter. If that looks like two am pancake parties, I’m not going to tell on you. I might actually admire you and be just a little bit jealous.

4. We have got to stop telling people that things should be easy and painless

We live in a culture that equates ease with value – the easier it is, the better it is, if it hurts you, something is wrong. Reality check: sometimes things that are hard and painful are also really, really good.

Every once in a while as a parent, one of the things that you thought would be really difficult turns out to be incredibly easy and drama-free. This is called a miracle, and though it might be somehow related to some book you read and the alignment of the stars and a magic way you pat the soles of your baby’s feet and the tea you drink on Thursdays, it’s still mostly a miracle, and the odds of that same miracle happening to EVERY OTHER PARENT EVERYWHERE are pretty slim, even with books and stars and tea and so much foot-patting.

We get excited in our victories, and want to share them, but it’s important to remember that we are all struggling with different issues. One daddy’s easy is some mama’s nightmare. And just because your baby doesn’t sleep through the night at five weeks or eat with a fork by her first birthday or cries a lot or your boobs get sore from breastfeeding (even though her latch is perfect) – just because it isn’t EASY and PAINLESS – it isn’t necessarily wrong. Sometimes hard is okay, sometimes, often, it’s even good. Hard is how we grow. And guess what, kiddo – parenting is hard. Any book that tells you otherwise deserves the big fat sticker of bull.

5. Speaking of bull, oh mylanta, the poop

They warn you. They tell you. And despite every warning, it is still baffling and alarming and downright awe-inspiring how much of your next year is going to be spent dealing with, assessing, smelling for, washing off, evaluating, discussing, logging, and transporting poop.

Get good and comfy with poop, friends. The poop cometh. For whom the poop tolls. The hunt for poop-tober – you get the idea.

6. The sooner you can figure out how to accept unwanted advice gracefully, the easier your year is going to be

For whatever reason, people love to weigh in on babies – everyone has an opinion, and everyone wants to share. I believe that most of this advice is pretty well-intended – most of it falls into the “it worked for me and I am so happy and I want to share my joy joy joy with you because you look very tired” category, which is at least only mildly offensive and really very sincere.

Here’s the thing – you can stumble through this crazy first 12 months in defence mode, snapping witty comebacks at ‘judgey’ old ladies or know-it-all childless people, or you can decide to give everybody the benefit of the doubt, smile and say thank you, and become very zen and confident about knowing what’s best for your child and not giving one ounce of your abundance of poop about what anyone else says.

If I were you, I’d aim for zen.

Nobody is out to get you. Everyone wants you to succeed. And screw them all anyway, because you are raising a child, and that is awesome. Did your kid eat something today? Is she relatively hygienically sound? Smiles occasionally? You win all the things. You are awesome enough to absorb any and all commentary, keep the bits you like, and toss the bits you don’t. How sweet of them to care.

7. Start stretching, because it’s time to get flexible

I’m not a big fan of general statements like “All babies like swaddling” or “Co-sleeping is best for everybody,” but there is one I can get behind – babies are really inconvenient. Your schedule, your sleep, your stellar punctuality record, your deadlines, your best shirts, your relationships – everything is about to get messy and complicated. You have two choices – become a weepinghungrytiredmess of doom, or swallow every ounce of pride you have and become flexible. Ask for help. Admit failure. Be late. Stay in your pyjamas. Ignore the dishes. Let slide what can slide and rejoice when you make it through with all your bare necessities intact. You are going to miss a few parties and a lot of snoozes and probably many other important things, and it will be okay. It will be better than okay. It will be amazing.

Maybe, just maybe, you’ll be one of those parents who gets a magic baby who responds to the methods in whatever book you read or is just naturally benevolent and fits like a glove into your fabulous and organised life. Again, this is called a miracle. We love you and are happy for you. Now please, shut up.

8. The most important thing to get for your baby is a village

The most important thing to get for your baby is not a Rock n’ Play, nor a good set of swaddling blankets, nor a high-end stroller. The most important thing to get for your baby is a village. Your village will keep you afloat. They will carry you when you are tired, feed you when you are starving, forgive you when you are unkempt and hours late and a neglectful friend who can’t remember to wear socks let alone whose birthday it is. They will love your baby when you are too tired or frustrated to hold her at the moment, because you are imperfect and human and have imperfect and human failings. They will remind you who you are when you start to think your whole life is only about poop. They will lift you up.

9. We have to lift each other up

Raising babies is the hardest thing many of us have ever done. We can tear each other to bits, criticize choices, and turn up noses, or we can love each other, admire adorable babies, offer a hand, and celebrate victories. This is not a difficult choice, people. Nobody cares that your way is better. Everyone cares that your kid is gorgeous and let’s chat over coffee and what have you been doing with your hair lately because, girlfriend, you look fabulous. Don’t be horrible. It isn’t really that hard.

10. Success is found in being willing to grow

Here’s the truth: you don’t know much of anything. A year from now, after your fantastic kid turns one, you won’t know much of anything still. Gather wisdom around you. Learn from your mistakes. Stay humble. Stay open. When you know better, do better. Be a better parent tomorrow than you were today, always, everyday, as often as you can. Try things out and leave them behind shamelessly if they don’t work out. Life isn’t a contest or a game – it’s simply only beautifully life. Live the minutes instead of scoring them. Love that incredible baby.

Oh, lovely – you are going to have so much fun!

About the Author: Karyn Thurston is a thirty-something, taller than average, relentlessly cheesy doallthethings-from-home mama, wife and writer. Read more on her blog, www.girlofcardigan.com

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The future of ultrasound: Colour photos and 4D imagery https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/second-trimester/2095/future-ultrasound-colour-photos-4d-imagery/ https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/second-trimester/2095/future-ultrasound-colour-photos-4d-imagery/#comments Thu, 25 Sep 2014 08:22:13 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=2095 Baby pictures will never be the same again with the Voluson E10 Ultrasound, which offers colour foetal photos more revealing than ever about what life is like in the womb.

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That’s not all the device will change, however, for diagnostic capability is likely to increase dramatically thanks to electronic 4D imagery that allows for biplane imaging.

Earlier foetal health and cardiac monitoring also possible

Foetal health and cardiac monitoring are possible from the first trimester, creating a highlighted representation of veins and arteries.

An online article from GE shows an image of six-week-old twins, barely discernible as foetuses, at a time when some women are just finding out they may be pregnant.

Vivid images allow parents the opportunity to get to know baby

As the baby grows older, vivid images are possible of the face, hands and feet, allowing parents to get to know their baby before bringing him into the world and create keepsake pictures.

It is also possible to glimpse the child smiling or sucking his thumb while in utero and a doctor remarks in the GE article that it’s a moment parents don’t forget.

For more information: http://www3.gehealthcare.co.uk/en-gb/products/categories/ultrasound/voluson/voluson_e10

(AFP Relaxnews)

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Use these tips to cope with common pregnancy discomforts https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/pregnancy-symptoms/2061/use-tips-cope-common-pregnancy-discomforts/ https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/pregnancy-symptoms/2061/use-tips-cope-common-pregnancy-discomforts/#comments Mon, 22 Sep 2014 06:12:13 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=2061 For pregnant women, struggling to find their "glow", knowing how to alleviate some of the common pregnancy discomforts can make pregnancy more enjoyable.

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Not all pregnant women “glow”. In fact, for some women, pregnancy can bring about an onslaught of uncomfortable physical pains. For these women, struggling to find their “glow”, knowing how to alleviate some of the common pregnancy discomforts can make pregnancy more enjoyable.

1. Minimise the morning sickness

Morning sickness can be a difficult aspect of pregnancy, as the associated nausea and vomiting is both unpredictable and unpleasant. However, learning ways to control it can lead to a more comfortable first trimester

  • Try eating small, frequent snacks.
  • Avoid strong odours, such as the butcher, the perfume counter, the fish market, a smoky room, etc.
  • Keep healthy snacks with you at all times. A small bag of crackers is easy to carry in your purse, and many women find them to be helpful in minimising nausea.
  • Some women find it best to eat a piece of toast or similar bland item before getting out of bed in the morning.
  • Avoid processed foods and stick to healthy sources of food (protein, complex carbohydrates, lots of green and leafy veggies).
  • Ginger, lemon and lavender can help, in tea, aromatherapy or edible forms.

2. Alleviate toilet troubles

Another issue you may find yourself having to deal with, is constantly wanting to urinate. This can cause earlier-than-desired sleep interruptions. If you experience this discomfort, you’ll find it’s usually in effect during the first 13 weeks or so of pregnancy and then again in the third trimester. Don’t dehydrate yourself though; instead, drink a lot during the day but less in the evenings to try and alleviate many toilet trips during the night. Then again, it is a form of training for what’s to come.

Good to know: If you experience burning or stinging sensations when urinating, speak to your doctor; you may have a urinary tract infection.

3. Reduce fatigue, increase energy levels

Tiredness is a common issue for many pregnant women. Use the following tips to better manage your tiredness during the day:

  • Learn to love naps. Nap when you’re home, over the weekend, during a lunch break. Again, this is more training for what’s to come! Also, get others to help more with housework, any lifting, shifting, moving heavy items, grocery shopping, etc.
  • At work, ask for reduced travel or changed tasks if you feel too tired as a result.
  • Avoid going out at nights, as this can increase your tiredness; meet up with friends and family on weekends or for lunch instead.
  • If you’re already a mom, nap when the children do. Ask a neighbour or friend to mind the kids for a bit while you catch up on some lost sleep.

4. Manage your back pain

Pregnant women frequently suffer from back pain because of the physical stress of carrying a baby, but there are steps that help better control the discomfort.

  • Avoid standing or sitting for long periods of time. If this requires changes in your routine, then ensure that the changes occur.
  • Wear flat shoes that provide extra support.
  • If you must lift things, always bend from your knees.
  • Don’t twist or jerk around, especially not suddenly.
  • Get someone else to put other children into carseats.
  • Use warm (not hot) baths to relieve backache.
  • Use warm heat packs or warm hot water bottles to relieve backache.
  • Talk to your doctor if nothing seems to help your back pain.

5. Eliminate heartburn

Take an empty glass and pour an adequate amount of baking soda (approximately a teaspoon) into it. Pour room temperature water into the glass, filling it. This will leave the water a whitish colour. Drink in small amounts, and drink whenever you have heart burn, and/or before a meal or snack.

6. Support those tender breasts

Tender breasts are a common source of discomfort with pregnancy. Fortunately, this settles down for most women after the first trimester.

One of the best things you can do is to go and get your bra checked to ensure that it fits properly. It’s likely you will need to increase the measurement by at least one size. Keep getting checked throughout your pregnancy, as breasts continue to increase in size.

Look for a bra with wide straps, a wide supportive band of fabric under the breasts and made mostly of cotton.

7. Keep the swelling down

Swelling during pregnancy can be a huge source of discomfort. Known medically as edema, this can impact your feet, fingers, legs and ankles.

Often the wedding and engagement rings have to be removed for some of the pregnancy, to accommodate for swollen fingers. This happens because your body is retaining fluid during pregnancy.

Try to sit down and elevate your legs higher than 90 degrees or lie down completely but support your back with a cushion to tilt your back.

  • Wear shoes that fit
  • Avoid tight clothing of any kind
  • Lower or cut out your salt intake
  • Drink plenty of water

Source: Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki building the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to cope with pregnancy discomforts. Content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons License.

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A pregnancy that isn’t part of the plan https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/first-trimester/2028/pregnancy-isnt-part-plan/ https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/first-trimester/2028/pregnancy-isnt-part-plan/#comments Thu, 18 Sep 2014 04:31:21 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=2028 No matter how you feel about your unplanned pregnancy at the very beginning, odds are you’ll adjust in time and before you know it, you’ll look forward to your upcoming surprise package.

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Often, a positive pregnancy test can leave a woman reeling, blindsided, shocked and frankly, not at all happy to find out that despite their best intentions and precautions (or not), they’re having an unplanned pregnancy.  To them I say, “Welcome to the club.”  It’s going to be OK.

A whole lot of unexpected children

It’s estimated that 51% of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned.  Of those, about 20% are flat out unwanted and the other 31% are just a matter of bad timing.  About 40% of these unwanted pregnancies (not including those that miscarry) end in abortion.  The other 60% ends in birth.  That’s a whole lot of unexpected children.

I have two children that started out in that 60% – not planned, poorly timed, total surprises. In the days immediately following my positive pregnancy tests, I too felt blindsided and unhappy, confused and dreadful, filled with doubt about my ability to handle another pregnancy and child. My feelings turned around in fairly short order and I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Everything turned out just fine, in fact, better than I could ever have planned for myself.

Unplanned pregnancy is an equal opportunity employer

The Guttmacher Institute has interesting demographics related to unintended pregnancies.  They indicate that a large number of unplanned pregnancies happen to poor women, uneducated women, young women and women who lack medical insurance and healthcare access. But, unplanned pregnancy is an equal opportunity employer and happens to women of all ages, socioeconomic backgrounds, and religions and in all regions of the country. It happened to me three times, resulting in one miscarriage and two unexpected but beloved daughters.

What should you do if you find yourself unexpectedly expecting?

I consider myself luckier than many women I know who’ve gotten pregnant unexpectedly. When I found myself looking at the positive pregnancy tests, I had the support and resources I needed to continue my pregnancies and raise my children. But that’s not the reality many women face.  I have only compassion for women facing pregnancies they don’t want, can’t support and are certain they can’t continue.  One way or another, they’ll come to terms with how they’ll deal with the unexpected and if they decide to continue their pregnancies, my hope is they’ll be as lucky as I was and will be supported through thick and thin.

What should you do if you find yourself unexpectedly expecting?  Circle your wagons, evaluate your options, ask for support and go with your gut.

  • If you know without a doubt that this pregnancy is not one you can continue, well then, know that you’re not alone. Millions of women all over the world throughout history have stood where you’re standing. Do your research on termination and ask your doctor what options are available that are safe, respectful and affordable.
  • If you decide you’re going to continue your pregnancy, know that you too are not alone. Remember the statistic? You’re in good company. It’s going to be OK.

No matter what, a mom will find a way

You’ll absolutely face challenges you hadn’t anticipated but you’ll also identify personal resources you didn’t know you had. That’s the thing about mothers – we find a way, no matter what. No matter how you feel about your unplanned pregnancy at the very beginning, odds are you’ll adjust in time and before you know it, you’ll look forward to your upcoming surprise package. Eventually, you’ll realise that your unplanned baby is a gift you never would have given yourself if your life had stuck with the plan.

It’s going to be OK.

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9 Things that surprised me about motherhood https://all4baby.co.za/newborns-0-6-months/newborn-basics/1999/9-things-surprised-motherhood/ https://all4baby.co.za/newborns-0-6-months/newborn-basics/1999/9-things-surprised-motherhood/#comments Mon, 15 Sep 2014 09:35:15 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=1999 Almost four months in, here are nine things that caught writer, Ashley Gadd by surprise.

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I’ve been a mom for almost four months now (how is that even possible?!) and I’ve been thinking a lot about what has taken me by surprise in these first few months. I think when you become pregnant, you develop a lot of assumptions and expectations about what motherhood will be like, and maybe 10% of those turn out to be true.

Almost four months in, here are nine things that caught me by surprise:

1. Breastfeeding is hard

Like, really hard. Like, I-understand-why-some-women-don’t-do-it hard. It took Everett and I a full fourteen days to get the hang of breastfeeding. A breastfeeding class was included in our birthing class package, but since we signed up so late (oops!), we missed this class due to Everett’s scheduled c-section at 39 weeks.

I had talked to a few friends and skimmed over the breastfeeding sections of The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy (aka, the only book I read while I was pregnant), but nothing prepared me, or my boobs, for what was about to happen.

Those first two weeks were torture. I was sore, bleeding, and basically dreaded every single time I had to feed Everett. Brett was as helpful as he could possibly be, but him and I were both totally clueless. And truth be told, I still don’t know what went wrong. After two weeks, it just got better. One day it hurt like hell and the next day it didn’t hurt at all. Maybe Everett and I just needed time to figure it out? Maybe I just needed to toughen up?

It wasn’t until after breastfeeding had gotten better for me that a few friends opened up about their similar struggles. I went into breastfeeding pretty blind and optimistic, assuming it would hurt a little, but really… I had no idea.

The good news is: after two weeks of practice, Ev and I became breastfeeding superstars. Everything healed (thank God!), and it became a daily bonding experience for us that I have come to truly enjoy. I have no idea if breastfeeding will be easier, harder, or about the same with our next baby, but at least I know what to expect the next time around.

2. My body bounced back fast

I’m not a crazy health nut by any means. I eat fairly well, walk regularly, and try to attend yoga or pilates once or twice a week. I didn’t start any of that until six weeks postpartum, and by then, I was feeling pretty comfortable with the way I looked. I don’t know if it was the breastfeeding, the fact that I was in good shape before I got pregnant, lucky genes, or a combo of all three.

Either way, towards the end of my third trimester I was becoming more and more concerned about how my body would look after Everett was born. I was shocked at how big my belly had grown, and couldn’t imagine ever having a flat tummy again. I also kept picturing tons of extra flabby skin, but really… everything just gradually went back to normal, give or take a few inches.

I never would have spent so much time worrying about my body had I known how quickly it would bounce back.

3. My emotions are out of control

In the past four months, I have experienced some of my highest highs and some of my lowest lows. Crying one minute and laughing the next, I don’t even know how I feel about anything half the time. I thought I was a train wreck while I was pregnant, but I think I might be more of a train wreck now. Say it with me: Poor hubby.

4. It’s lonely

As much as I love staying home with Everett, it does get lonely sometimes. I went from a pretty active social life to a somewhat non-existent one; from a mover and a shaker to a homebody. My days are spent with Everett and my nights are spent with Brett, and most days, I am content and fulfilled with that. But some days, I’m really not. My lowest lows have stemmed from the days and weeks when the loneliness seemed extra prevalent.

5. Everett felt like ours immediately

While I assumed this would happen, it still took me by surprise. From the first time I saw him, I knew he was our baby. It felt like a piece of me detached from my own body and morphed into the most beautiful human being I’d ever laid eyes on. It was overwhelming on the day he was born, and it’s still overwhelming every time I think about it.

6. My hair is falling out

I’ve said it before, but it’s worth mentioning again. I really cannot stress this enough: nobody, and I mean nobody, prepared me for postpartum hair loss. It’s real, and it’s gross, and it sucks. Big time.

7. Unsolicited advice is the worst

I got plenty of it while I was pregnant and now that Everett’s here, I have advice flying at me from every direction. It’s annoying.

People give advice out of love with the very best intentions, but it’s still so, so annoying. Even more annoying? I’ve caught myself doing it too. Shame on me. I think as mothers, we often have a tendency to

  1. Think our way is the best way
  2. Want to make sure everyone around us knows just how capable we are

And the thing is—just because x worked for your baby doesn’t mean x will work for my baby. And just because y happened to my baby, doesn’t mean y will happen to your baby. I’ve asked plenty of friends about their experiences with sleep training, teething, etc, and gotten lots of helpful tips. The difference is: I asked.

If I don’t ask, please don’t tell me. And if you catch me offering unsolicited advice on this blog, feel free to call me out in the comments. Actually, don’t. I’d probably cry. See number three.

8. How open-minded I have become

It took becoming a mother for me to really see how judgmental I had been about certain aspects of parenting. From small things like using pacifiers to big things like cosleeping, I never realised how strong my opinions were about various parenting topics and methods until they blew up in my face.

I am doing things I never thought I would do, saying things I never thought I would say, and basically feeling ashamed and embarrassed at how many times I questioned another mother’s tactics. Suddenly, I find myself open to all sorts of things. Oh, you cosleep? Good for you! You want to breastfeed until your baby is two? Go get em, tiger! More power to you! I am much more understanding, empathetic, and compassionate towards other moms than I was before I had Everett.

9. The big, big joy that comes from the small, small things

Everett’s first smile. The first time he said “goo” and wrapped his hand around my finger. The way his eyes follow me when I walk around the kitchen. The way he kicks crazily when he’s in the bath, like he’s trying to swim or something. The tiniest things put the biggest smiles on my face, and I never knew I could find such joy in something as simple as a look or a sound. Everything he does amuses me, and reconfirms my decision every single day that I was, indeed, meant to be a mother.

About the Author: Ashlee Gadd  is a Writer & Photographer. Founder of Coffee + Crumbs +instagram | twitter | facebook

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When a baby dies before birth https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/miscarriage-pregnancy/1947/baby-dies-birth/ https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/miscarriage-pregnancy/1947/baby-dies-birth/#comments Tue, 09 Sep 2014 07:20:14 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=1947 Foetal demise is the medical term for a baby older than 20 weeks gestation who dies in the uterus before birth.

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Angela is heartbroken. Her sister, Janet, went to her prenatal appointment just two weeks before her due date after a completely normal pregnancy. There was no foetal heartbeat.

The baby had been entirely healthy up until the previous day when Janet noticed he was less active than usual.  An ultrasound revealed the worst news possible. Her baby had died. Her labour was induced and she delivered a perfect little boy with no obvious clues of what caused his death. The cord was not knotted or wrapped around his neck or body. His placenta appeared normal and there were no signs of infection.

Angela emailed to find out what happened.  “Why did my nephew die?”

The short answer Angela is, “I don’t know.” Without clear indications like a knotted cord or visibly abnormal placenta or signs of infection, it’s often impossible to know an exact cause of death.

In somewhere between 25 to 60% of cases, the cause of death is undeterminable. Unless your medical providers can diagnose a precise problem, I suspect that is something you and your family will struggle with for a long time. Not knowing complicates grief that’s already so deep it can feel insurmountable.

What do we know about foetal demise?

Foetal demise is the medical term for a baby older than 20 weeks gestation who dies in the uterus before birth. It only happens in about six out of every 1 000 live births. You know I like to flip statistics, so that means that it occurs in only .06 % of all pregnancies and that in 99,4% of cases, babies do NOT die.

It’s thought that about 65% of demises have something to do with an abnormal placenta. The placenta forms a complicated web of blood vessels and tissues as it develops and throughout pregnancy that connect mom and baby. If something prevents healthy development or destroys vessels and tissues along the way, the placenta can’t support baby’s life the way it intended. Sometimes, it doesn’t attach properly to the uterine lining, its’ blood vessels don’t function adequately or there’s some other anomaly that reduces circulation and nutrients to baby and removal of waste products from the uterus.

In 99,4% of cases, babies do NOT die.

What causes the placenta to malfunction?

Most of the time we don’t know. Sometimes, however, it’s attributed to maternal health issues like;

  •  Obesity
  • Smoking
  • Drug abuse
  • Uterine scar tissue from infection or surgeries (like previous c-sections)
  • Diabetes
  • Hypertension and other issues

Sometimes, it has to do with foetal complications like;

  • Infection
  • Multiple babies (twins, triplets, etc.)
  • Genetic abnormalities

Without more information, there’s no way for me to know why Angela’s nephew died, but I do know that foetal deaths are fairly rare, always tragic, hard to recover from but not often repeated within a family.

What can women do to make sure they’re in the healthy 99.4%?

Do everything you can to grow a healthy placenta. That means no smoking or drugs, lots of good healthy exercise, an excellent diet and good prenatal care. But, since we don’t always know in advance how healthy a placenta is, it’s essential that mothers pay close attention to how they feel and how often they notice their baby’s movements.

A simple procedure called a “kick count” can make the difference between life and death.

Kick counts only work after your baby is 25 weeks gestation or more. To perform a kick count, have a glass of water or a snack and either sit or lie down. Then, time how long it takes to count ten movements, kicks, rolls or flutters. Ideally, you want to reach 10 in less than two hours.  If you feel ten kicks in a few minutes – great!  You’re done. If you practice kick counts regularly, you’ll become familiar with your baby’s activity patterns. If it takes longer than two hours to feel ten or you notice a sharp decline in activity, call your midwife or doctor and let them know. They might advise that you come in to their office or go to the hospital maternity unit for further evaluation.

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Top parenting tips from the experts https://all4baby.co.za/birth/1936/top-parenting-tips-experts/ https://all4baby.co.za/birth/1936/top-parenting-tips-experts/#comments Mon, 08 Sep 2014 05:13:37 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=1936 Johnson’s Baby Sense Seminar boasts a great line-up of baby and parenting experts who share essential advice and survival tips.

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The Johnson’s Baby Sense Seminars are taking place at The Vineyard Hotel on Saturday, 13 September.

There is a great line-up of baby and parenting experts who will be sharing essential advice and survival tips – Meg Faure (Baby Sense co-author), Dr Claudia Gray (paediatrician), Sr Ann Richardson (Toddler Sense author) and Tina Otte (midwife and special editor of Your Pregnancy magazine).

The morning Baby Seminar will cover simulating your baby and toddler (Meg Faure), your baby’s health (Dr Claudia Gray) and sleep solutions (Sr Ann Richardson).

The afternoon Birth & Newborn Seminar explores calming and connecting with your newborn (Meg Faure), birth with sense (Tina Otte), newborn basics (Sr Ann Richardson).

Meg Faure shared the following tips ahead of the seminars:

  • Stimulate your baby’s capacities broadly – physical, cognitive and language but also emotional and social areas.
  • Do not over use baby seating devices. Make sure your baby has good periods of tummy time on the floor.
  • Talk to your baby a lot – tell them what you are doing all the time, this encourages language development which is linked to school readiness.
  • Colic is a normal period for many babies – it starts at 10 days, peaks at six weeks and abates by 12 weeks.
  • To sooth your little one, re-enact the womb world – carry, swaddle and white noise.
  • Bonding doesn’t necessarily happen at first sight. For many parents it is a process of falling in love that takes time.

Sr Ann Richardson’s nuggets of advice for healthy sleep:

  • Separate calories from comfort from the word go!
  • Watch your baby’s awake time in between naps to prevent overstimulation which can lead to fussy behaviour and the inability to sleep easily.
  • Have age appropriate expectations around sleep so do accept that it might be four to six months before your baby can sleep for 10 to 12 hours at night undisturbed.
  • Once your baby has learned the art of self soothing (at around three months of age) – begin to let her fall asleep by herself by putting her to sleep whilst she is still awake (but drowsy).

And some of the newborn basics she’ll be sharing include:

  • Allow your partner to be the gatekeeper of well meaning visitors for the first few weeks – you will need every bit of rest to recover from the birth and establish feeding.
  • Breastfeeding may take a few weeks to become truly established, so do be patient.
  • Separate calories from comfort from the word go, so use your common sense and try to avoid offering feeds when only comfort is required.
  • Expect the unexpected and learn to take events in your stride (such as a huge poo nappy as you are leaving home!)
  • Find yourself a trusted health care provider who empowers you to be the great parent you are and who does not judge or disempower you in any way.

Tina Otte’s talk is birth with sense. She has the following pre birth and post partum advice:

Pre birth:

  • Enjoy your pregnancy – it’s only 266 days where you get to help God make a miracle.
  • Talk to, sing to, and read to your unborn baby – s/he is listening and knows that they are precious, wanted and above all LOVED.
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  • ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR OWN INSTINCTS – THEY ARE NEVER WRONG!!!

Post-partum:

  • Keep your baby close to you all the time. They are grown and gone before you know it.
  • Look after yourself as a new mom first – even in an aeroplane you are told to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others!
  • A relaxed mom – means a relaxed baby – really, don’t sweat the small stuff!

Part of Dr Claudia Gray’s talk on your baby’s health will cover allergy prevention strategies. She’ll address the 5 commonly asked allergy questions:

  1. Are allergies on the increase and if so why?
  2. Can I do anything to protect my newborn child against allergies?
  3. My baby is colicky and uncomfortable – could it be a cow’s milk allergy?
  4. Can my young baby be tested for allergies?
  5. My baby is always snotty – is this an allergy?

Join the experts at the Johnson’s Baby Sense Seminars on 13 September and prepare yourself fully for those first few challenging weeks and month of parenthood. For bookings and all seminar details visit www.babysense.com/talks-and-workshops or call (021) 671 3245.

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Hair tips for new moms and moms-to-be https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/1933/hair-tips-new-moms-moms/ https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/1933/hair-tips-new-moms-moms/#comments Mon, 08 Sep 2014 04:56:56 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=1933 Celebrity Stylist and ambassador for Philips Beauty, Shaughn Adams shares his hair care tips with expectant and new moms.

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During pregnancy is when your hair is usually at its best. Women lose up to 100 hairs a day but during pregnancy their estrogen levels are higher and so they lose a lot less hair on a daily basis, resulting in more beautiful looking hair.

So mom-to-be this is the time to enjoy your wonderfully thick locks!

Tips for maintaining your hair during pregnancy

  • If you highlight your hair, now would be the time to ask your stylist to start adding some low-lights into your hair or less foils spaced further apart. This will help you hide the re-growth because once your little bundle of joy arrives your time will be very limited and salon visits are stretched very far apart.
  • Be careful when you get the urge to chop your hair off during pregnancy. That ponytail is going to come in very handy in a few months’ time. If you still want to cut your hair, consider your face shape and possible weight gain during pregnancy, you don’t want to cry every time you pass a mirror – the hormones will do that for you.

What about hair colour?

A question I always get from mums to be is “Can I colour my hair during pregnancy?”

As a rule I usually don’t colour my client’s hair during the first trimester. However, if you are desperate to colour your hair from the onset then ask your stylist to use a foil technique where the product does not come into contact with the skin.

New mom hair tips

Congratulations you are a new mom and suddenly you start losing sleep and those beautiful, thick locks of hair.

Don’t panic! This is pretty normal. Remember that elevated estrogen? Well, now it is lowering to normal levels and those hairs you didn’t lose during pregnancy are now falling out along with the daily dose of 100 hairs that you should be losing. This could last between six and 12 months after your baby is born. It will stabilise and go back to normal.

As a new mom you have little or no time, here are a few tips for maintaining your hair.

  • Purchase some dry shampoo. When you don’t have time to wash and dry your hair, a little spray in the roots and brush through could buy you one more day before you have to wash it.
  • A ponytail will be your best friend. Wrap a strand of hair around the hairband and secure it with a grip. You now have a great ‘go to look’. To change it up, make a side parting and pull your hair into a low ponytail – then twist it into a bun.
  • Get a trim at least every eight weeks. Invest in a baby sitter or family member willing to spare an hour or two and go to the salon. Sit down, read the magazines and allow someone else to pamper you for a change. The adult stimulation will do you good.
  • If you were thinking of trying short hairstyle now is a good time, it will help mask the hair loss and requires little maintenance.

Tip: Remember a dab of concealer and touch of lip gloss could brighten your day.

About the Author: Investing in a good quality hair iron and hair dryer goes a long way in maintaining the quality of your hair. The Philips ProCare hairdryer protects the hair from overheating with the advanced. Philips has been offering hair expertise for over 50 years. Remember, more style and less damage goes a long way to maintaining healthy hair. For more, visit: http://www.theimageandhair.co.za/ or https://www.facebook.com/PhilipsBeautySA?fref=ts

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5 Pregnancy old wives tales to make you giggle https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/1925/5-pregnancy-old-wives-tales/ https://all4baby.co.za/pregnancy/1925/5-pregnancy-old-wives-tales/#comments Fri, 05 Sep 2014 06:48:06 +0000 https://all4baby.co.za/?p=1925 Although pregnancy old wives tales can provide little insight they are fun.

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All pregnancy old wives tales have a 50/50 chance of being correct, so why not have a little fun with them.

Old Wives Tale #1: Heartburn

If a pregnant woman experiences heartburn throughout the nine months of pregnancy, she’ll have a baby born with a full head of hair.

Old Wives Tale #2: Umbilical Cord

If a pregnant woman lifts her hands above her head, she will choke the baby because the umbilical cord will be wrapped around the baby. The truth of this pregnancy wives tale is that the umbilical cord can wrap around the baby if the baby moves a lot while in the uterus, but you stretching your hands above you head will not increase this likelihood.

The baby gets tangled in the umbilical cord in about one third of all births, so it’s not so uncommon.

Old Wives Tale #3: Coffee

If a baby is born with light-brown birthmarks, it is said that the mom drank too much coffee or had unfulfilled cravings while she was pregnant.

Old Wives Tale #4: Shape of baby bump

If you are carrying high with a big, round belly, you are having a girl. If you are carrying low with a smaller belly that sticks straight out, it’s a boy.

Old Wives Tale #5: Drinking water

Drinking water is really important when pregnant. An old wives tale was that if the mom-to-be wasn’t drinking enough water daily, the amniotic fluid would be really dirty for the baby. Drinking tons of water will help you stay hydrated, but has no correlation with how clean or dirty the amniotic sac is.

About the Author: InteliGender’s Gender Prediction Test is an affordable, simple-to-use urine test that provides immediate gender results in the privacy and comfort of the home. In minutes, the IntelliGender Gender Prediction Test indicates your gender result based upon an easy to read colour match. Green indicates boy and orange indicates girl!

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