Fake crying, multitasking and the big love

My little girl, Emily Jayde (Emmy) was born almost a year ago. Like the drama queen she has proven to be, she made her debut quite unexpectedly. So unexpectedly, that her hospital bag was only half packed and her dad was somewhere between the 18^th and 19^th hole on the golf course (that’s a story for another day).

What followed, can only be described as a whirlwind of change. Throw in a couple of mommy-fails, thousands of photographs, some smiles and squeals and bam, she’s ten months old. My newborn is now a squishy, babbling, crawling little human being who reacts when I sing “Old MacDonald”.

Now, I’m not even a year into the mommy game, so I wouldn’t consider myself an expert. But after observing Emmy (in a non-scientific way of course) and countless Google searches during middle-of-the-night feeds and sleepless nights, I have come to a few conclusions regarding the first few months of mommy-hood.

Here’s what I have learned so far…

Ditch the advice

You will receive advice from every woman with whom you make eye contact. Smile, nod and bank the advice for a day where you have nothing to do but think of all the advice you have received.

Instead,  follow your gut. Get to know your baby and what works for him or her. Trust your instincts – it’s automatically built into you to know what your baby wants and how he or she wants it.

A medical kit will save your life

Slightly dramatic, but true. I received a medical kit at my baby shower. Thinking I would only use it when Emmy got sick, I packed it away. Until one night, when Emmy would not stop screaming.

Desperate to stop the crying, I clambered through the kit looking for anything and everything that had a crying baby on it. After playing a round of eeny-meeny-miny-mo, I chose drops that Emmy now gets in every bottle. I’m still not sure whether it was the drops that worked or whether Emmy just passed out from exhaustion, but as long as she drinks a bottle, she will get the drops.

You need a medical kit. Even if you don’t know what half of the stuff treats. At two am in the morning, you won’t care and anything with a crying baby on the bottle will do.

You will be judged

Whether you breastfeed or not, are highly strung or calm or give your baby a pacifier or not… you will be judged. This is something that I still struggle with. But, I’m slowly learning that as long as Emmy is happy, then being judged doesn’t matter. Do the best you can, as long as it’s good enough for your baby, you are doing just fine.

Babies cry. And that’s okay

In our first few days at home, any time Emmy made a sound, I would stick the pacifier in her mouth. Until I came across an article that explained how a baby cries as a means of communication (their only means of communicating at this age). Since reading that, I don’t try to silence Emmy’s cries with a pacifier. I allow her to communicate with me and I allow myself the time to decode her cry. By doing this, I have gotten to know that different cries signal the different needs that she has. I am able to respond to her cry far quicker, if I know what she is asking me to do.

Fake crying is real

Yup. Up until a few weeks ago, I didn’t know that this was a real thing. I thought Emmy’s fake crying was just part of her drama queen persona. Until I came across information that suggests that babies use a fake cry to bond with their parents or caregivers.  There’s a study that supports this notion and defines fake crying as a cry that comes out of nowhere, one moment your baby is happy, but as soon as you direct your attention elsewhere, he or she will start crying. Only to stop once you redirect your attention back to them.

Emmy loves doing this. Especially with me. Instead of seeing it as manipulation (which by definition, it could very well be), I see it as her communicating that she is in need of attention.

Watch out for it.

You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps

The next person who tells me that, will win my housework lottery. They will also blowdry my hair, do my grocery shopping and entertain my dogs.  All those ladies who tell you to ‘rest before the baby gets here’ were not joking.

The amount of sleep that you will learn to function on is ridiculous. I’m talking anything from as little as two hours in a 24 hour period. Yes. Sleep while you can.

You will have one hand for the rest of your life

Multitasking will take on a whole new meaning. Babies don’t understand that their moms needs to cook, brush their teeth and eat. As such, you will learn to do everything with one hand. You will also learn to do some things with your nose and mouth.

This is a big love

When Emmy was born, the love I felt for her was natural and instinctual. Just like I expected. What I didn’t expect though, was for the love to grow to the point where it consumes me.

The love you feel for your baby will be the biggest love you have ever experienced. They will be the last thing you think about when you go to sleep at night and the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning.

When you are not attending to your baby’s needs, you will spend your time marvelling at the little miracle that you have created. I have 3 500 photos on my cell phone to prove this.

There is no love, like the love of a  parent (I say parent and not mom, because dads are also consumed by this love).Your whole world will revolve around the little being that has thrown your life upside down in a whirlwind of chaos. And you know what, there’s nothing better.

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Lara Bestbier

Writer. Creative. Word-nerd. Aspiring photographer. Old wife. Brand new member of the elite society called mommy-hood. Mom to the only drama queen more demanding than me. “Life’s too short to keep a straight face”.

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