Attachment Parenting: What it means in theory and practice

Defining attachment parenting

The web defines attachment parenting as an approach to raising infants that aims to promote a close relationship between the baby and its parents by methods such as feeding on demand and letting the baby sleep with its parents.

Attachment not a list of rules

Attachment parenting is based on the attachment theory which basically focuses on making a child feel safe, secure and protected.

Attachment is where the child uses the primary caregiver as a secure base from which to explore and, when necessary, as a haven of safety and a source of comfort.

It is an approach to bring up your child that promotes a secure attachment bond between parents and their children. It is not a list of rules, but more a philosophy.

Many people mistake attachment with bonding (which is the skin-to-skin contact during early critical period).

Attachment parenting focuses on the nurturing connection that parents can develop with their children. That nurturing connection is viewed as the ideal way to raise secure, independent, and empathetic children. They also say that even though there are ‘methods’ to apply, how it’s applied is ultimately open to interpretation.

People therefore define it as more of a mindset than a method.

Fundamentals of attachment parenting

Attachment parenting.org describes the following eight principles of attachment parenting:

1. Prepare for pregnancy, childbirth  and parenting.
2. Feed with love and respect. Breastfeeding a baby is definitely the best option, if you can. If you bottle feed, you can still connect with your child just as well as if you’ve breastfed.While breast milk is healthier, breastfeeding is not something that you have to do to “attach” better.
3. Respond with sensitivity.
4. Provide a nurturing touch BUT not if it interferes with something your baby is learning or it’s actually done in such an excessive manner that it’s more annoying to baby, than actually adding value to the attachment theory. For example, if babies sleep, they do not want to be touched the whole time, they need to learn to self-sooth and to be comfortable in their own skins. Nurturing touch has is place, but not all the time. Anything excessive, will become a problem later in life.
5. Ensure safe sleep – whether you are an attachment parent or not, it is very important that safety should be your first priority and there is a lot of scientific proof that co-sleeping is not the safest way to sleep.
6. Use consistent and loving care.
7. Practice positive discipline and strive for personal and family balance. All members of the family have equal value. Parents need balance between their parenting role and their personal life in order to continue having the energy and motivation to maintain a healthy relationship and to model healthy lifestyles for their children.

Advocates and those against Attachment Parenting

Advocates:

• Mostly stay-at-home moms (it’s just not possible to follow most of the Attachment Parenting theory if you are working)
• Dr William Sears – paediatrician who made Attachment Parenting famous
• Feminists

Non-Supporters:

• Cry-it-out method followers

• People who actually believe that their whole family needs to sleep well

Whether you will label yourself as an attachment parent or not, we do believe that “extremism” in which ever way is not good when it comes to our children. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or bad about how you raise your children. You are the best parent for your child and should do what you feel comfortable with.

About the Author: Good Night is a child and baby sleep consultancy that specialises in helping parents with children who struggle to sleep soundly. For more information, visit: www.goodnightbaby.co.za

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