Pregnancy: The awesome and the awkward

The awesome

1. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and I don’t really feel guilty about it. I’m trying to eat plenty of fruits and veggies but I’m convinced that a few extra cheetos here and there aren’t hurting anyone. Also not hurting anyone: my recent need to order a small popcorn and an icee every time I go to the supermarket (which is three times a week).

2. I don’t wear pants anymore. Let’s face it – pants are, for the most part, rather uncomfortable. These days, you can find me in sweats and leggings, exclusively. If I’m feeling SUPER fancy, I might throw on some maternity jeans, but even those are made of spandex so I doubt they count. I’m going to be honest here, I might not ever wear real pants again.

3. Baby kicks. They are magical. They make me giggle every single time and there is nothing I love more than laying in bed with Brett in the morning with his hands on my tummy, as we smile with our eyes closed like total dorks. It’s the best.

4. People adore pregnant women, and thus, currently adore me. Total strangers tell me I’m cute. People gush over my stomach and ask me a hundred questions and are suddenly fawning over me at the grocery store. Considering I feel anything but cute most of the time (in my sweats with leftover cheeto crumbs on my face), I’ll go ahead and take the random unsolicited compliments, thankyouverymuch.

5. Nursery planning is the greatest. Our first act of love for this baby? We are giving him the bigger of our two spare bedrooms. You’re welcome, son. With that comes painting, de-cluttering, and my favourite pastime: ORGANIZATION! I am having a ball pinning ideas and adding cute baby things to my registry.

6. I finally get to pull the pregnancy card. And you better believe I have been. Dishes? Nope. Vacuuming? Get real. I don’t feel guilty about taking naps on the couch or occasionally refusing to do chores. Growing a baby is hard work and some days, that’s all I accomplish. I’ll even look up what the baby is doing that week so I can use it casually as my defence – ”Sorry babe, I was going to do the laundry today but I decided to finish forming our son’s eyebrows instead. Phew! I’m exhausted!”

And then, the awkward

1. My stomach is suddenly, um, hairier than it used to be. I don’t have that weird dark line (yet!), but my tummy is now covered in fresh blond peach fuzz. It’s not cute. I contemplated shaving it, but I rarely shave my legs as it is so who am I kidding? My mommy friends tell me it’s normal and that it will go away eventually. Let’s hope they’re right.

2. People are just now starting to notice I’m pregnant. Which means, for the past 23 weeks they’ve really just thought I was getting fat. I’ve caught people staring at my stomach a few times, clearly trying to figure out if I was with child or fighting a donut addiction. Sometimes I rub my tummy to put them out of their curious misery, but sometimes I like to mess with people and I just stare at them like I’m super offended. Let’s be honest, is it EVER okay to stare at someone’s stomach? Besides Ryan Gosling, I’m voting no on that one.

3. My balance sucks. I don’t know if it’s because I’m gaining weight on the front side of my body or what, but I’m a total klutz all of a sudden. I run into door frames and trip up the stairs and can barely stand on one leg without falling over. Don’t even get me started on what I look like doing yoga right now. Let’s just say, it’s not pretty.

4. PREGNANCY BRAIN IS FOR REAL. I walk up and down my stairs at least fourteen times a day due to sheer forgetfulness. I forget my keys on the nightstand, walk upstairs to get them, and then grab my cell phone off the bed (which I’ve also forgotten), before walking back down the stairs and into the garage, sans keys. This happens multiple times a day. It makes me angry. And then I remember that walking up and down the stairs burns calories and I can now afford 20 extra cheetos at lunchtime. Yes, I’m pregnant and I’m still choosing joy.

5. SWP (sleeping while pregnant) is not fun. I can’t sleep on my stomach, or my back, so I basically turn back and forth between my left and right side all night. Apparently restless legs are a normal side effect of pregnancy (along with nosebleeds, constipation, itchy skin, excess saliva… need I go on?), and it’s made sleeping quite the challenge. I already sleep with three pillows; one behind my head, one between my legs, and one propped up against my back, but none of that has helped with the tingling, achy legs. I read online (probably in a voodoo forum)that if you put a bar of soap under your sheets, it will help. I am THIS CLOSE to trying it.

6. Everyone has a horrific birth story. And I mean everyone. Like that random guy who told me about his friend who delivered her own baby in the supermarket parking lot. Or the chick at the hair salon who laboured for 82 hours and tore every which way and almost died on the table. I’m still trying to figure out how to politely tell people that unless they enjoyed three hours of painless labour with 10 minutes of pushing and no tearing and a perfectly healthy baby, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. Seriously.

7. I have never seen this much of my belly button. Which brings me to the question: how well was I really cleaning this area of my body for the past 25 years? I believe I have reasonably good personal hygiene (aside from the fact that I rarely shave my legs or wash my hair), but looking at the inside of my belly button was a bit of a shock. It’s like a whole different world in there.

About the Author: Ashlee Gadd  is a Writer & Photographer. Founder of Coffee + Crumbs +instagram | twitter | facebook

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