A pregnancy that isn’t part of the plan

Often, a positive pregnancy test can leave a woman reeling, blindsided, shocked and frankly, not at all happy to find out that despite their best intentions and precautions (or not), they’re having an unplanned pregnancy.  To them I say, “Welcome to the club.”  It’s going to be OK.

A whole lot of unexpected children

It’s estimated that 51% of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned.  Of those, about 20% are flat out unwanted and the other 31% are just a matter of bad timing.  About 40% of these unwanted pregnancies (not including those that miscarry) end in abortion.  The other 60% ends in birth.  That’s a whole lot of unexpected children.

I have two children that started out in that 60% – not planned, poorly timed, total surprises. In the days immediately following my positive pregnancy tests, I too felt blindsided and unhappy, confused and dreadful, filled with doubt about my ability to handle another pregnancy and child. My feelings turned around in fairly short order and I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Everything turned out just fine, in fact, better than I could ever have planned for myself.

Unplanned pregnancy is an equal opportunity employer

The Guttmacher Institute has interesting demographics related to unintended pregnancies.  They indicate that a large number of unplanned pregnancies happen to poor women, uneducated women, young women and women who lack medical insurance and healthcare access. But, unplanned pregnancy is an equal opportunity employer and happens to women of all ages, socioeconomic backgrounds, and religions and in all regions of the country. It happened to me three times, resulting in one miscarriage and two unexpected but beloved daughters.

What should you do if you find yourself unexpectedly expecting?

I consider myself luckier than many women I know who’ve gotten pregnant unexpectedly. When I found myself looking at the positive pregnancy tests, I had the support and resources I needed to continue my pregnancies and raise my children. But that’s not the reality many women face.  I have only compassion for women facing pregnancies they don’t want, can’t support and are certain they can’t continue.  One way or another, they’ll come to terms with how they’ll deal with the unexpected and if they decide to continue their pregnancies, my hope is they’ll be as lucky as I was and will be supported through thick and thin.

What should you do if you find yourself unexpectedly expecting?  Circle your wagons, evaluate your options, ask for support and go with your gut.

• If you know without a doubt that this pregnancy is not one you can continue, well then, know that you’re not alone. Millions of women all over the world throughout history have stood where you’re standing. Do your research on termination and ask your doctor what options are available that are safe, respectful and affordable.
• If you decide you’re going to continue your pregnancy, know that you too are not alone. Remember the statistic? You’re in good company. It’s going to be OK.

No matter what, a mom will find a way

You’ll absolutely face challenges you hadn’t anticipated but you’ll also identify personal resources you didn’t know you had. That’s the thing about mothers – we find a way, no matter what. No matter how you feel about your unplanned pregnancy at the very beginning, odds are you’ll adjust in time and before you know it, you’ll look forward to your upcoming surprise package. Eventually, you’ll realise that your unplanned baby is a gift you never would have given yourself if your life had stuck with the plan.

It’s going to be OK.

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Jeanne Faulkner

Jeanne Faulkner is a writer, journalist and registered nurse with over 25 years experience in obstetrics and maternal-newborn health. She’s Every Mother Counts’ Senior writer and editor (a global maternal health advocacy organization).She co-authored The Complete Illustrated Birthing Companion and writes the Ask the Labor Nurse blog for Fit Pregnancy.com, which won MIN-Online’s award for Best Blog of 2012. She also contributes to Huffington Post on global health and poverty issues and writes for several publications on health, women’s issues, politics, parenting and more. She is CARE’s (global humanitarian organization) advocacy chairperson for Oregon. Jeanne lives with her husband and family in Portland, Oregon.

Latest posts by Jeanne Faulkner (see all)

• A pregnancy that isn’t part of the plan - September 18, 2014
• When a baby dies before birth - September 9, 2014
• Addressing the dangers of childbirth - September 1, 2014