However – this day is, for some, a sad and painful reminder that they have not yet been able to father a child or are battling infertility issues.

Did you know that today, one couple out of every six is coping with the challenges of infertility. In approximately 30- 40% of these couples, the infertility is due to a problem on the male side.

Men experience a range of emotions

Regardless of whether the infertility is due to the male or to their female partner or is unexplained, it is also common for men to experience a range of emotions. These feelings are often unexplained and unexpressed and may lead to behaviors and actions that are misunderstood by others.

Men are sometimes perceived as being unable or unwilling to talk about their feelings and experiences. Pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting are seen as a women’s realm and fertility and medical treatments often focus more specifically on women.

Men are often left out

Our society also abounds with images of women as mothers, carers and nurturers much more than those of men as fathers and carers. The voices and thoughts of men are therefore often missed, silent and forgotten.

To fill this void, men who have been through the infertility journey are now starting to write about their experiences and about aspects that they have found to be valuable and supportive.

 Some of the ideas are

Men may feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, confusion, anxiety, humiliation, guilt, embarrassment and shame. Such experiences may be due to feeling one or, indeed, many of the following:

• Saddened by the loss of their ability to provide for their family- “ I’ve let my wife down”, “I feel less of a man”
• Unable to protect their partner & their couple relationship from pain & intense emotions due to the roller coaster of infertility treatment and interventions and ongoing feelings of grief and loss
• Full of self-doubt with the potential loss of manhood. Questions self- “who am I?”- “what is a man?”
• Sexually inadequate
• A loss of identity – may feel he does not meet cultural, spiritual, family and
• Community expectations of himself
• Sadness due to the loss of personal dreams and expectations to be a dad
• Left out of the loop – as the focus of treatment is mostly on their wife or partner
• Isolated – friends & family are getting on with it and having their own children
• Powerless with a lack of control – “nothing I do seems to help”
• Misunderstood – by partner, family, friends, work mates
• Lonely- no-one to talk to who really understands and is without judgement
• Fearful- “I want a child but am afraid it might not happen” “what sort of father will I be if I ever get there?

Tips for men dealing with infertility

• Acknowledge your feelings. Find ways that work for you to deal with strong emotions such as grief, depression, anger e.g. regular exercise, massage.
• Keep up social networks & interests.
• Talk to someone you know will understand
• Gain support. Work out who you can count on for emotional support & use them.
• Find the right people to talk to. Don’t be afraid to seek counselling or emotional support- either as a couple or for yourself.
• Acknowledge as a couple, that your individual experiences & responses to infertility & treatment may be quite different from each other – not better, not worse, just different.
• Take control. Work out what you can control and what you can’t.
• Nurture your relationship.
• Self care. Pay attention to your physical, mental & psychological well-being.
• Treat yourself. Remember to exercise, nurture yourself with things you love doing, consider relaxation & stress management options, eat well, & find a balance in your day-to-day life choices.
• Look after your own health. Remain aware of your own needs and wants.
• Remember that you and your partner are in this together.
• Try to balance hope with compassion.
• Try and avoid being “Mr Fix It”. Nurture yourself and your relationship. Listen without having to offer solutions.

About the Author: Prelox® is a patented blend of Pycnogenol and L-arginine designed to actively treat male infertility. For further information visit www.2tostartafamily.co.za or email [email protected]

The post A males perspective on infertility appeared first on All4Baby.

Diagnosing male infertility

The diagnosis of male infertility begins with a medical history and physical exam by a physician, preferably a specialist with experience or one who specialises in male infertility, such as a Reproductive Endocrinologist.

Often, there are no visible signs of male infertility. That’s why it’s important for you as a couple, to have an open discussion with your doctor, urologist or a fertility specialist.

Your partner needs to tell his doctor about his medical history, including past illnesses, medications, and surgeries. He also needs to give current information about his lifestyle habits, diet, exercise, and any drug or alcohol abuse. His doctor may order a semen analysis (SA). This is the single most important test for male fertility.

Blood tests to look for hormone imbalances, medical conditions, or genetic issues may also be ordered.

Male infertility and his manhood

Women often find it helpful to discuss health challenges like infertility. Men, on the other hand, seem to get by just fine without talking about these things.

Here are five reasons why:

1. Men are encouraged to be strong. He can suppress his feelings about infertility because pain and weakness are not socially acceptable.
2. Men are encouraged to provide for their families. He might feel like a failure for not providing you with a child.
3. Men must be in control at all times. By not fathering a child he feels like he has let you, and others, down.
4. A man often wants to have descendants to carry on his genes and the family name. He is disappointed that he is not fulfilling his end of this bargain.
5. Men are encouraged to be highly sexual, with virile sex organs. Infertility affects his manhood and he may worry that he is less of a man because he is infertile.

As your partner struggles with these beliefs and wanting to stay strong, he may be less likely to talk about his feelings and seek infertility support.

Men need infertility support, too

Close to ten percent of all couples experience infertility at some point, with male infertility contributing to half of all couple’s fertility problems. While men may be less likely to openly seek infertility support, they are coping with infertility too.

As you continue on your fertility journey, encourage your male partner to open up, take care of his physical and emotional health, and find helpful outlets for coping with infertility.

Prelox® is a patented blend of Pycnogenol and L-arginine designed to actively treat male infertility. For more information, visit www.2tostartafamily.co.za.

The post How infertility affects your partner appeared first on All4Baby.