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]]>Occupational Therapist and Pampers Institute Member, Kate Bailey fills us in in this Pampers YouTube video.
She says that if your baby is described as energetic, stubborn, impulsive or loud, then this is all normal.
Don’t overthink their busy behaviour and take comfort in the fact that your toddler’s brain is developing very quickly. The behaviour you might find worrisome today, will probably not be an issue in a couple of months.
Helpful advice and tips from the Pampers® Institute are available at www.Pampers.co.za and on www.youtube.com/PampersZA Receive emails with information tailored to your baby’s age by subscribing at www.Pampers.co.za/registration and connect with us at www.facebook.com/PampersSA
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]]>The post How to manage the terrible twos appeared first on All4Baby.
]]>If we, the parents understand the changes they are going through and their needs during this period, it can help us to manage this time better.
From about 18 months, toddlers begin seeing themselves as separate from their mothers, and they express their newly discovered independence by defying their mother and other adults, especially when they are given an instruction.
They also become more aware of themselves, and therefore self conscious. They are able to feel new emotions such as embarrassment and guilt, which they couldn’t feel before.
As toddlers, try to make sense of the new feelings they are experiencing, they watch and learn from their parents and teachers when to feel blame, shame, or pride.
They also begin using new words, and will start expressing themselves, utilising words like “no” as they assert their independence.
Two-year-olds still have a limited vocabulary and can’t always express themselves properly, so they tend to become frustrated.
They also struggle to regulate their emotions and can become very angry, having the occasional emotional outburst or tantrum.
They will make attempts to control themselves by covering their ears and eyes, or changing the game they are playing, but they are not always successful.
This is a time of experimentation for them, as they find their place in the world, and so they need patient, compassionate, warm, loving parents and teachers who can guide them in expressing themselves effectively, and learning socially acceptable behaviour.
Using punitive methods like smacking, shouting, and time out to control their behaviour for example, teaches them to feel embarrassment, guilt or shame for trying to express themselves.
In addition, having adult expectations for toddlers is unrealistic. It takes time for them to fully understand what they are feeling and appropriate ways of expressing themselves.
Create opportunities for them to be independent, and role model acceptable behaviour for them.They are watching the adults around them all the time.
By focusing on the positive rather than saying “no” all the time, will not only give them the independence they want, and make them feel good and masterful over their environment, but it will also give them the words for positive communication.
Here are some ideas for giving toddlers what they need, while keeping them safe. Remember your child’s safety is always important:
“I can see you like to jump. Let’s go and jump outside, rather than on mommy’s bed where you can hurt yourself.”
“You can mix the paints when we are on the grass.”
“Yes you can walk on by yourself.” (Choose a place like a park, where you can let them go, but be a safe distance behind them.)
“Will you help mommy with the shopping?” Allow them to take items off the shelf and place it in the trolley. Use one of the smaller children’s trolleys if they are available.
Let them feed themselves somewhere where it doesn’t matter if they mess, like in the kitchen.
Teaching them empathy, which is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s position, consider what they are feeling, and respond in a sensitive way, helps toddlers to understand that their behaviour impacts on others. “Mommy feels sad and angry when you smack, or shout at her.” Of course your child feels the same way when you smack, or shout at him. ” We don’t smack in this house because we don’t want anyone to feel angry and sad.” Teach mutual respect.
Allow them opportunities to vent their frustration or throw a tantrum, and acknowledge their feelings. Tantrums can be a stress relief for the child.
Find a safe, private place especially in public where they can be angry. “I know you’re very cross right now because mommy wouldn’t buy you the toy. It’s OK to be angry.”
As your toddler feels more independent, comfortable with her feelings and increases her vocabulary, she becomes more co-operative and competent at controlling her emotions.
The second year can be a tremendous time of discovery if you remain positive and calm.
About the Author: Claire Marketos www.inspiredparenting.co.za
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]]>The post Toddler Tantrums: Using “time outs” appropriately! appeared first on All4Baby.
]]>Wait until he starts to understand that rules need to be followed, so that he understands why time out is happening. Time out must not be seen as punishment. It should rather be seen as an opportunity to teach your toddler how to cope with his feelings of frustration and anger. Once he has learnt how to cope with these feeling, he will be able to start to modify his behaviour.
If he is still young ( 1- 2 years), start by taking time outs together. So when he starts to push beyond his borders and is getting hyped up, say “let’s stop for a while, take a deep breath and have some quiet time together”.
This is a good way to get him used to a “cooling off period”. Once he is two years old, he will start to understand a bit more that Action = Consequence, as well as being able to follow instructions.
This is the ideal time to start using more formal time out. A good idea is to use his bedroom as the area for his time out. Remember that if he needs some time out in the first place, his sensory system is most likely overloaded, making him feel out of sorts and disorganized. His bedroom is a safe and secure zone that he is comfortable with, so it will comfort and calm him. Avoid using bathrooms or naughty corners. These areas may make him feel embarrassed, uncomfortable and insecure.
When he needs some time out, tell him very firmly (try not to shout, all it does is re-enforce a spiral of negative behaviour) that you do not like what he is doing, and that he needs to go to his room.
Use your body language to re-enforce how serious you are. Point towards the bedroom, and coax him along (don’t be tempted to smack). If he digs his heels in, pick him up firmly (even if he is kicking and screaming), and take him to his bedroom. Once you are there, say to him “It’s not nice to pinch your sister, stay here until you feel better”. Walk out and close the door.
Because he is a toddler, he will weep and wail and may even bash on the door with frustration. Wait for about a minute before you go back. Don’t leave him for too long, but don’t rush back in immediately – allow him some time to calm himself down.
When you re-enter his room, take no notice of the mess that he may have caused, rather keep your voice calm and controlled. Suggest a cuddle on your lap, if he resists, say calmly “OK, I will come back in a little while when you are feeling better”.
Leave the room for another minute. Go back in and repeat your offer. Continue in this way until he is ready for a hug and a cuddle. Sit on the floor, or his bed or a chair in his room, and hold him firmly with a deep hug. Singing a favourite song is also most useful. Wait until he is calm. Briefly discuss the event that caused the time out in the first place.
Remember to always acknowledge and name how he is feeling by saying “I know that you are feeling angry because I sent you to your room”, then mirror the feeling by saying “I would also feel angry if I were you”, then explain why by saying “it wasn’t very nice to pinch your sister. So remember that next time when you are feeling frustrated with her, pinching is not the way to deal with it”.
Suggest that he puts the ‘bad thought’ into a little box or an imaginary bubble, then go with him to the bedroom window and empty the box, or blow the bubble away.
Offer to help him tidy up his room (if he has trashed it in her rage), then continue with your activities.
Reassure him that time out doesn’t mean that you don’t love him, and that you will always love him no matter what. Don’t refer to the episode again (not even when dad comes home from work) – it is over. This method can be used up to school going age.
Obviously time out will work if you are at home. But what if you are out?
The best way to handle discipline when you are out is to remove your child from the situation. So if he is having a tantrum at the shopping center, ignore him, and try to finish your shopping as quickly as possible and get out of there as fast as you can!
Remember to be in tune to his signals, so don’t take him shopping if he is hungry, tired or over-stimulated – it is bound to end in tears. If you need to discipline in a public place, always take him to a quiet spot around the corner so that he does not feel embarrassed.
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