How to deal with the terrible twos (PS. You’re not alone)

Having a baby comes with its own unique set of challenges. Raising that baby through toddler- and childhood is even more daunting and stressful at times.

The “terrible twos” (which actually can occur in one-year-olds, it’s not just your unique set of genes) can be a real test of one’s character as an adult.

Your patience, kindness, love and endurance may be tested to its absolute limits by a screaming, kicking, yelling, hair-pulling toddler who refuses to back down, sometimes for hours at a time. And the cutest, most tender-hearted little person can turn into a torture device such as you have never experienced before.

You may remember all those times you looked askance at a tantrum-throwing toddler and pitied (whilst simultaneously scorning) the inept parent who can’t handle a little person the size of a 10 kilogram bag of potatoes.

And now you are THAT parent. Clueless, overwhelmed and tired to the bone of fighting with a two-year-old from waking to sleeping. Every day. For weeks.

So, here are some things you might find useful and maybe even a little comforting:

You are not alone

Your child is not a monster. Believe it or not, at some stage or another all toddlers go through this – even that perfect, cute little girl at the moms group who is such a little darling. Yes, even her mom and dad will wake up one morning and wonder what on earth happened to their angel.

Plan beforehand and decide on a course of action

Sit down with your partner and decide on a course of action. If you are going to wait for the tantrum without having prepared for it you might react out of anger or respond inconsistently.

Plan beforehand, decide how you are going to handle the typical situations that come up so that it doesn’t matter which one of you is there at the time, your response will be the same and consistent. This requires that you know your child and put some time into doing research.

Different children respond well to different disciplinary styles. There is no “one size fits all” so choose what toddler advice you listen to.

Stay calm, even when you are seething inside

Whatever disciplinary style you are comfortable with and choose to apply in your household, always give the impression that you are calm and in control, even when you are seething inside.

When you are consistent, calm and in control in the face of emotional chaos and disorder, you essentially create a sense of security and safety within the home. Your children will grow up feeling safe and confident under your supervision and leadership.

It might be a good idea for you and your partner to take turns when dealing with a difficult, drawn-out confrontation, such as often occurs around bedtime.

Ensure that your toddler gets enough sleep and eats a balanced diet

Your toddler is quite possibly going through an important developmental stage and absorbing a lot of new stimuli from the world around him.

Emotionally and mentally he might actually be exhausted which can also exacerbate the behaviour.

Enough sleep and a balanced diet can play a big role in your toddler’s emotions, that’s why bedtime is a battle you need to win and get under control for your child’s sake – every time.

Again, there are different approaches to this – do your research and devise a strategy. You may need to test more than one until you find one that works for you and your toddler.

Pick your battles

Choose your battles wisely – if you are going to say “no” or accept your toddler’s challenge on an issue you better make sure you win, irrespective of how much time it takes or how tired you are.

So sometimes, don’t sweat the small stuff, learn to let go and recognise what really matters so you pick the important ‘fights’ and don’t waste your time and energy on the little ones.

When it’s done, it’s done

When the battle is done, it’s done. When the confrontation has been resolved and you have hugged and kissed it out, or you have cleverly distracted your toddler with something else, don’t stay angry, don’t glare at them or be curt or stand-offish.

The air is completely clear and both of you have moved on. It is done.

If you’ve taken the time to read this then you care, which already makes you an excellent parent.

Breathe deeply and realise that this is one of life’s most rewarding character-building exercises – not only for your toddler but for you as well. And, this too shall pass.

About the Author: Micah Fourie earned her degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Stellenbosch and then worked as a special needs teacher for five years. She is currently enjoying the struggles and triumphs of raising two children, a six-month-old and a two-year-old while pursuing and exploring her passion for all things parenting and teaching.

• About
• Latest Posts

Contributor

Latest posts by Contributor (see all)

• Get your baby to move more - August 7, 2014
• Video: Tips for creating a quiet bedtime routine for your toddler - August 7, 2014
• Folic acid may reduce the risk of autism - August 7, 2014