Is your toddler resisting toilet training? Use these tips

Parents sometimes find that despite their best efforts – and the best encouragement from schoolteachers – toddlers remain resistant to toilet training. What should you do if you’ve been struggling with this issue for months?

Your child could be struggling with toilet training resistance

This occurs when a child (older than three years old) understands how toilet training works, and does not have any organic, trauma, or medical reasons to hinder toilet training, but still refuses to use the toilet in the same way as his or her peers do.

You will find that your toddler will never sit on the toilet spontaneously, and will decline every invitation to do so.

If this sounds familiar, your toddler could be engaging in a power struggle with everyone involved in trying to implement the toilet training. In a lot of cases, this is the direct response to excessive reminders to sit on the toilet or being forced to sit on the toilet against their will.

Your toddler may also have a strong-willed temperament – not making this training any easier!

How to effectively guide your toddler through the resistant behaviour:

Work in collaboration with the school. The parents and the school should follow the same modus operandi for the training to be effective.
Give the child the responsibility by saying “This is your body, and you do not need anybody to help you anymore as you are a big boy or girl and know how to use the toilet.”
Stop any reminders as this keeps the power struggle in play. Your aim is to let the child think using the toilet was their idea.
Decide if incentives will work for your child, and then use them consistently at home and at school.
If you have upgraded your child to pull-ups or underpants, do not go back to nappies, unless there is a medical condition you have to address first.
Always give praise where praise is due.
Give the responsibility back to the child (age-appropriate), by helping them clean themselves.
Refrain from punishment, as this only encourages the power struggle further.

If your toddler is withholding stools to the extent of becoming constipated or complains about it hurting, seek out medical help immediately.

If this behaviour persists, together with trauma symptoms such as nightmares, fears, eating or sleeping problems, withdrawal, irritability, infections and personality changes, professional help should be sought.

Article by: Play Therapist, Nolene Rust [email protected]