In the 20th century, behaviorist John Watson (1928), interested in making psychology a hard science, took up the crusade against affection. He applied the mechanistic paradigm of behaviorism to child rearing, warning about the dangers of too much love.
The 20th century was the time when “men of science” were assumed to know better than mothers, grandmothers and families about how to raise a child. Too much kindness to a baby would result in a whiney, dependent, failed human being.
Instead there is evidence all around (then and now) showing the opposite to be true.
According to a behaviorist view (completely ignorant of human development), the child ‘has to be taught to be independent’.
But, it can be proven that forcing “independence” on a baby leads to greater dependence while giving babies what they need leads to greater independence later.
Richard Ferber, author of Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, is the best-known advocate of this. The fact is that caregivers who habitually respond to the needs of the baby before the baby gets distressed are more likely to have children who are independent than the opposite. Soothing care is best from the outset. Once patterns are established, it’s much harder to change them.
Advocates of crying it out
Proponents of the cry-it-out method know that by six months, babies are wise to the fact that crying often results in being picked up, rocked, or fed — pretty good motivation to keep on crying. But once they realise no one is responding every time they cry, most will give up the crying game, usually within three or four nights.
Sometimes it’s just about setting limits that you will not nurse all night or replace a pacifier 10 times per night or rock your baby in the rocking chair for three hours and then every two hours after that. Those are all sleep associations that sometimes need to be broken (and not replaced with a new one).
The act of crying does nothing to teach baby to sleep and it won’t change his personality. Cry “it” out is simply letting baby find his own way to fall asleep and allowing him to cry out his frustration about not being able to get that pacifier replaced for the tenth time. None of us get better at something without practice.
What Cry It Out Isn’t
- Cry it out is not a replacement for feeding when baby cannot comfortably sleep all night without food.
- Cry it out is not meant to be used when a baby is hungry, wet, very sick, in pain, etc.
- Cry it out does not mean throwing your baby into a room, closing the door and ignoring your baby.
- Cry it out is not a replacement to parenting when baby needs it.
What is the feeling behind it?
There are conflicting opinions about the cry-it-out method as many think that there are only two methods to sleep training;
- Co-sleeping/baby with you all the time
- Crying-it-out – but many do not understand the cry-it-out method as it is not leaving you baby to cry until they fall asleep and this is the general understanding on crying-it-out.
One study found that babies who were at least seven months old and were left for short periods to cry it out experienced no marked long-lasting effects. This may help to reassure you that short spells of crying it out won’t harm your baby.
Expert view
1. Penelope Leach: author of Your Baby and Child.
Approach: Compassionate crying it out. If you leave your baby crying, he’ll feel abandoned and fear that your departure at bedtime, and any other time, isn’t safe.
When: Start at nine months. Babies can’t really learn that night-time is for sleeping until then.
What to do: Since the goal is to help your baby feel that bedtime is safe and happy, and that he can go to sleep on his own, don’t abandon him outright. Instead, keep to your enjoyable bedtime rituals and when your baby cries go into his room as often as you need to, reassure him, and leave. Leach writes: “You may have to repeat this over and over again, but it is the only sure way, eventually, to convince him both that you will come and that you will not get him up.”
2. Benjamin Spock, author of Baby and Child Care.
Approach: Cry it out.
When: Three months.
What to do: Say goodnight and don’t look back. Usually, after three nights of unchecked crying, your baby will start going to sleep by himself. Spock says that most babies will cry for up to 30 minutes on the first night, realise they’re not getting anywhere, and fall asleep. He writes: “I’m convinced that they are only crying from anger at this age…[Checking on her] only enrages her and keeps her crying much longer.”
3. William Sears, author of The Baby Book.
Approach: Sleeping with your baby or other responsive tactics. He writes: “The result of [crying it out] is usually the same: a strung-out mother and an angry baby, who will eventually exhaust himself to sleep – but at what price? We wish to put the cry-it-out approach to sleep, forever.”
When: From infancy until the child is ready for his own bed.
What to do: Consider sharing your bed with your baby for the first few months or more of his life. According to Sears, mother and baby sleep better and longer side-by-side, baby gets warmth, nurturing and a readily available breast if he’s breastfeeding, and babies thrive when they sleep near their parents. Plus, if the mother has returned to work, sleeping with her baby may help restore and build connections that can be frayed during the working day.
About the Author: Good Night is a child and baby sleep consultancy that specialises in helping parents with children who struggle to sleep soundly. For more information, visit: www.goodnightbaby.co.za
Latest posts by Contributor (see all)
- Video: Why tummy time is important for your baby’s development - July 3, 2014
- Using the pill could affect your fertility - July 3, 2014
- What to expect from IVF - July 3, 2014
Saving...